Guns and Space Magic (A DestinyBorderlands Fusion)
by The Mad Dragon
Summary: Join Gaige as she is resurrected as a Guardian in this outlandish, haphazardly welded together universe of Destiny and Borderlands! Come for the action, stay for the shipping! ... You came for the shipping first, didn't you?
1. Chapter 1

_**GUNS AND SPACE MAGIC  
A Borderlands and Destiny fusion**_

 _So, you want to know how this all came about? How an age of wonder turned to so much craters and and ruin? You want the full story behind every historical figure, and the juicy secrets behind every event?_

 _Too friggin' bad, this is the cliffnotes version._

 _A long ass time ago, on an Earth far away, back in, like, the year 2025, humanity detected a really friggin' weird round thing that was terraforming every planet and moon it came across. Needless to say, we found this to be really interesting, so we get some astronaut guys and got them into a space ship, flew up to Mars and said, "Hey."_

 _The being said 'hey' back._

 _The astronaut's asked, "So, who are you and... whatcha doin'?"_

 _The being said, "I am a Traveler, and I like to leave astral bodies nicer than when I found them."_

 _The astronaut's nodded, and said. "Cool. This is our star system, and you're the first being from outside of it we've ever encountered."_

 _The Traveler, taken aback, said, "Oh, shit. Really?"_

 _"Yep. Evolved and raised on the third planet."_

 _"Need any help, or anything?"_

 _"... Lots."_

 _And thus began the Golden Age of Humanity._

 _... Okay, that's not really what they said, but it was the gist of it!_

 _For seven hundred years, the human race prospered and expanded. From one end of the Milky Way, to the other Humanity arrived with three times their natural lifespans, and near unlimited energy from Light reactors. Fast food chains with franchises across the cosmos! The Traveler became the center of a civilization that spanned a galaxy, with plans to go even further._

 _But, like an awesome party being crashed by a neighbor throwing Molotov Cocktails at the guests, the good times rolled to a sudden halt. We called it the Collapse._

 _... Back then, we called it a lot of things. The Anomaly. The incursion. Fucking Asshole Cloud. Death. The one that stuck... was the Darkness. Because that is what it brought. The stars couldn't be seen, plant life withered in its presence. Stories say people became ill just by being near it._

 _What happened next isn't completely clear, and you'll meet scholars who will get into fist fights over what they think happened. What we KNOW is this: Every surviving military force gathered to the Traveler, and they launched a full blown counter-offensive. The Traveler... did something and it pushed the Darkness back. Humanity survived, but there was nothing and no one left to keep us unified. The Traveler fell silent, and was hidden by the survivors of that battle._

 _Centuries later, the Corporations arose, and began the Silver Age. Yes, that is literally what they marketed it as. Things got... bloody between competing companies, and things got REALLY bad against other species out there._

 _Then the second Collapse happened. The Darkness came back. The Corporations tried fighting it on their own, without unifying. Without Light._

 _It went really, really bad._

 _When all seemed at it's darkest, when all hope had seemed lost; a miracle happened._

 _The Traveler returned, and brought with it..._

 _ **The Guardians.**_

 **CHAPTER ONE  
The Right Place for a Hero**

It was in an cave buried in an empty ravine regularly pounded by flaming rain, where Gaige Solokov died.

The skags wouldn't even go there anymore, bandits steered away because they believed an 'ancient spirit of chaos' haunted it. Where the rain didn't hit, carnivorous mushrooms hid in the dark corners, waiting to absorb the flesh of passerby. Most ominously, there was a circle of long dead skeletons clutching guns, knives, and- in one case- a traffic cone wrapped in barbed-wire...

But in the center was smaller set of bones, fractured and broken by bullets, with the left arm missing, and in it's place a clearly mechanical one, rusted and eroded from age. What might have been a Vladof auto rifle lay in pieces next to it.

The long silence of this ancient, makeshift tomb was broken by thee voices.  
 _  
"Ugh.. why did you sign us up for this run? Ninety percent of the time, the Ghost doesn't even find their Guardian."_

"Because the poor things get shot at in places like this. Ghosts are too important to waste."

"Chill, A-money. We're gettin' the glimm either way, and that new steak place opened up on Erianna street!"

"You only want to go because they advertised crumpets."

"Don't sass me on my crumps, man."

"No one calls them tha-"

"Both of you, hush! I think the Ghost just found one!"

"Oh, shit. Really? Does this mean we split the bounty money with the newbie?

"If this comes out of my crumpet money, I shall become most unpleasant."

"Hold on, hold on! I've always wanted to see this done right!"

"What do you mean?"

"Shh! It's starting!"

 ** _And then there was Light..._**

"Rise and shine, my Guardian. You've got a big afterlife in front of you," said a cheerful female voice.

"Buh... gruh?" Gaige moaned as she cracked open her eyes-

And had them immediately assaulted a rainbow of light and holographic confetti as the words- _"HAPPY RE-BIRTHDAY!"_ -flickered in happy colors.

Under the near blinding display was a woman wearing a purple and yellow trench coat and helmet with Maliwan logos, clapping excitedly. "Welcome back, Guardian! There's so much to catch you up on!"

"Aw, man. Another Warlock. I was hopin' for a Titan," said a woman wearing black and white checkered armor with what looked like an actual fur collar.

"Lay off, it's not her fault that the Light decided she's supposed to be a hoighty toighty, book loving nerd that slaps problems with space magic," crowed a man wearing a blue, white and orange cloak and armor with a 'V' symbol Gaige didn't recognise.

"Hergle fla?" Gaige groaned as she tried to sit up.

The woman in the coat hurried forward took hold of Gaige's hands and pulled her up. "Inability to form words, stiffness of body. Poor thing, you must have been dead for a long time."

Gaige paused and looked bewildered at the woman holding her up, "... Deh?"

A white sphere with a blue eye and twitching little blue pyramids upon it, spoke with the cheerful voice she had first heard upon waking, "Hi! I know this is all jarring and all, but I promise it's going to be okay. You see, you were dead, but I revived you with the power of the Traveler's Light! (Sorry it took so long to find you, by the way.) Through me, your very own personal Ghost unit, you will have access to the Light and it's powers. If you die in battle, I'll bring you right back after- just as long as I'm intact! You are now effectively an immortal with super powers! Welcome to the Guardians!"

"... cooh."

The woman holding her hand lifted a finger up, "In addition, you are a Warlock like me. We focus on knowledge, power, and support rolls in combat."

The woman in heavy in heavy armor walked up and gently punched Gaige in the shoulder, "You also got your sexy, badass, face punching Titans like me. Then there's the sneaky, potsot taking, blankie wearing Hunters like him." She jutted her finger at the caped man, who dutifully waved.

"Mornin', kid. Helluva wake up call, huh?"

Gagie nodded, not trusting her treacherously uncooperative tongue.

The Warlock gestured at Gaige, "Once we get back to base, we'll get you something more... suitable for our line of work."

The newly risen Guardian looked down at herself, and felt bemused. She was clad in dirty brown robes, and feeling the weight on her head, reached up to feel a round helmet.

"Yeah, every Guardian starts out looking like a post apocalyptic hobo. The Ghost makes your gear out of any material nearby, and you have to settle for it for a while," The Hunter said as he used a knife to dislodge a bit of dirt in his arm guard.

Gaige quietly grumbled.

"Ah, don't worry, shorty. You'll feel better after you've killed something," said the Titan.

Gaige's Ghost popped up, "Speaking of which, I'm picking up an evacuation request from the New Haven settlement. Seems like they're finally ready to get off this rock and join up with Sanctuary."

The Warlock holding Gaige's hand squeezed it in reassurance, "You don't have to go if you don't want to. If you don't feel like you're ready for fight, than you're not ready."

"Can we? Can we? I've waited centuries to partner with a Guardian and rain death and destruction upon the enemies of humanity! _Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase?"_ Begged her Ghost as she bobbed side to side.

Smiling, Gaige brought up her hand to pet the floating murderball- ... her... warm... and fleshy, left hand...?

"Buh?!" Gaige desperately looked through the cavern's floor. Her foot brushed something hard. She reached down, letting go of the Warlock and picked up the rusted and broken prosthetic arm. She groaned pitifully.

Her Ghost floated over, "Ooh, was that yours? When I brought you back from the dead, I just read your DNA and reconstructed you based on that. Not only are you fully flesh and blood again, I made you into your most physically ideal self. Next time you lift up your shirt, you should find a nice six-pack. You're welcome!"

Gaige shook her old prosthetic at the Ghost, pointing at a digistruct beacon built in it's forearm. "Dehtrah, mlyf's greyes worh!"

The Ghost backed up a little bit, and scanned the appendage. "Oh? Ohhh, now I see. There's something in the digistruct drive. It looks like... oh, my. Oh, wow," The Ghost's shell shifted to something that looked like a maniacal grin, "I really did find the right Guardian didn't I? It's data is fragmented, but I'm a hundred percent certain I can restore it. Once I download the digistruct code, I'll start work immediately. We'll be able to deploy it without the arm. It's gonna be awesome."

"So are we goin' or what?" Demanded the Titan, throwing up her hands.

Smiling wide under her helmet, Gaige replied, "'Kay."

 **GRIMOIRE:  
BANDITS**

 **NEW HAVEN FAREWELL ADDRESS  
FINAL SPEECH FROM MAYOR HELENA PIERCE ONE DAY BEFORE EVACUATION**

 **"Citizens of New Haven, I've come to address you today because... it's over.**

 **"When our ancestors first came to Pandora in the Silver Age to be free from corporate masters, they faced the horrors of the Pandoran ecosystem. They prevailed against environmental hazards, and space faring pirates. They mined the eridium, and prospered. They were never rich, but they were strong and they were proud.**

 **"Then the Second Collapse happened. The Vault Network all across the galaxy opened... and the Darkness came pouring out. You all know the hell that followed after. When the Vault's closed... the damage was done. The people closest to the anomalies were changed forever. Becoming the insane, murdering Darkness tainted monsters we all know and despise. We held against them for over three hundred years, losing settlement after settlement.**

 **"It wasn't until the forces of Sanctuary arrived from beyond our system twenty years ago, that we received badly needed relief. They brought with them the Ghosts, raising our dead and putting the fight to the bandits like no one ever before. Despite these good deeds, they were always upfront about why they were here. To find the Vaults and kill the monsters that dwell within them. They never expected to find the few settlements holding out here and on the moon. To their credit, they've evacuated most of these towns and villages to Sanctuary itself, under the Light and protection of the Traveler.**

 **"The one point of contention was when the Vanguard made themselves clear. Once the last Vault was dealt with, they would take Sanctuary and leave this system.**

 **"We here in New Haven resisted this change. I know many of you felt this wasn't good enough. Why can't the Guardians stay? Why do they have to leave? Why should we give up our homes?**

 **"The answer is simple. Pandora's not worth it.**

 **"We may live here, but we know the hell of this world's wildlife and bandits. Every other settlement has either been destroyed, or did the smart thing and evacuated. Our defenses are at an all time low. The old walls we built are cracked and splintering everywhere. Most of our major defensive turrets have been destroyed from the yearly grind, our militia has been whittled down to a skeleton crew from attrition by combat and... desertion.**

 **"To make matter worse, we've recently learned that the enemy is receiving additional forces from bandit fleets from other worlds contaminated by the Vaults. We cannot endure this onslaught any longer. It's time for us to leave. I ask you- no-**

 ** _I beg you,_ when the evac shuttles arrive, come with me and get to the safety of Sanctuary.**

 **Pandora is lost. It belongs to the bandits now.**

Gaige squirmed as she sat in the lap of her new Warlock friend. She had held tight to her companion's hand as they transmatted inside one of a trio of jumpships that had been in orbit. After the initial untangling of limbs, they had awkwardly sorted themselves out.

"Er, could you be still, please? I kind of need to fly," said the Warlock as she took manual control of the ship.

"Sorr',"

"It's alright. Now let's see about this evacuation mission-" She was interrupted by the sudden high pitched beeping and sudden blaring of the colorful 'v' shaped symbol the Hunter had been wearing on the monitor. "Oh. That's never good."

She reached over Gaige and tapped the screen, and the stern face of an older woman filled the screen.

 _"All available Vanguard forces in the area, this is Sub-Commander Sloane. You are to drop all bounty activities immediately, and rendezvous to the New Haven settlement. We have a_ massive _bandit incursion inbound. There are over a thousand souls still within New Haven, it will take time for our evac shuttles to get them all out. Fireteams One through Nine are to man the walls. Ten through Fifteen, you're on aerial interception for any hostile Vultures. Sixteen through Thirty, you're on Drake tank duty. I want any and all enemy vehicles that even_ look _like they have ordnance to crack the walls to be destroyed. This is a critical operation with zero margin for error. Show no mercy, and give no ground. May the Light burn away the Darkness, Sloane out."_

There was a long pause. Then Gaige's helmet crackled with radio static.

 _"I'm getting sat footage, y'all seein' this?"_ Rang out the voice of the Titan.

The Hunters dry tone followed, _"... Gotta be honest, never seen a bandit horde that big before. Must be five to six hundred in there, dozens of runners and technical's. Lot more Vulture's than I'm comfortable dealing with too. Shit, I don't think I've ever seen this many bandits working together before."  
_  
The Warlock stiffened under Gaige, "Doesn't matter how many they, have. We have a job to do and lives to protect. Set a course for New Haven's wall." She moved her hand to Gaige's knee and gave it a squeeze. "You'll be able to see some action there, our forces will have occupied enough of the bandits to even things up for you. Don't want you getting overwhelmed after all."

"Th-th-thanks."

The comm was immediately filled with the Titan's voice, _"Hey, hey, hey! Did I just hear our little kinderguardian say her first word?!"_

"They grow up so fast. First talking, then dancing, and then they run off to unleash a hurricane of ultra violence."

Gaige could feel the Warlock under her suppressing a laugh, "Approaching New Haven, transmatting now."

There was a rush of light, and Gaige found herself standing on a wall that looked like it had been made of rusted scrap metal and desperation.

The Titan, the Hunter, and the Warlock were beside her. The Hunter reached out and patted her shoulder, "We're gonna go coordinate with the other fireteams and hammer out a defense strategy real quick. Stay here, keep an eye out and guard this part of the wall. And, uh... ah. Take this," he proceeded to digistruct an auto rifle and handed it to her. Gaige's helmet identified it as a Khvostov 7G-0X, a proud product of the Vladof corporation. "Be good, Gaige," he said as he wagged his finger at her, then walked off with the others to what looked like a makeshift command post.

"... H-h-how'd he kn-know m'name?" Gaige asked herself quietly.

Her Ghost proceeded to appear out of thin air, "Oh! I totally forgot! Guardians have this thing where they meet someone notable or just plain badass, their Ghosts slow down their perception and shows them with, like, a cool title card with captions, and neat background effects! I'll just enable that feature now."

Gaige nodded, "Cool. W-what was m-mine?"

 _Gaige's vision was immediately assaulted by a vision of herself- beautiful, with shimmering blue skin, yellow eyes and her trademark red pigtails, standing atop a pile of bandit corpses, while a group of attractive male and female cyborgs clung to her legs in lustful, reverent awe. A huge, dark mechanoid shadow loomed over her, illuminated only by a single glowing red eye._

 _ **GAIGE as...**_

 _ **THE MECHROMANCER**_

 _ **SMASH THE SYSTEM!**_

And then the vision faded, _"Sweeeeeet._ W-wait. Why'm I _b-blue?"  
_  
Her Ghost twitched nervously. "W~ell... reconstructing centuries old DNA is, like, _super hard_ and sometimes we just have to make it up as we go." Gaige raised her eyebrow beneath her her helmet. "Okay, _real talk._ I just really like the color blue, and I thought making you into an Awoken would be neat-o."

Before Gaige could ask what an 'Awoken' was, she was cut off by the a high pitched noise growing louder and louder. Turning towards the outside of the wall, she saw firsthand a barrage of rockets.

Heading straight toward her.

As she was standing on a scavenger's idea of a defense wall.

 _"Fuck."  
_  
The rockets slammed into the wall's armor underneath her. Gaige squawked in distress as the floor fell away and tumbled forward. Flipping end over end for three stories, she landed face first into the dirt. Gaige's Ghost quickly floated down, digistructed into her Light and began to repair her body.

Neck snapping back into place, Gaige rolled over and sat up. She saw plumes of dust, heralded by wild hooting and hollering of men wearing masks riding wheeled vehicles made from scavenged parts, wielding circular saws and guns of dubious construction.

Standing up, Gaige realized she was out in the open. On foot. Away from the other Guardians. By herself.

 _"Double fuck."  
_  
Somehow having kept hold of it in the fall, Gaige raised the auto rifle and took sited her target. Aiming at the tires, hoping to cause some chaos, she pulled the trigger... and hit the driver in the face. Which caused the runner to swerve into makeshift APC to it's left. Which caused it to flip onto it's side. Which caused a bandit holding a grenade inside to pull the pin. Which made it explode. Which made all the other grenades the other bandits had on them explode as well.

 _KRA-KA-KA-KOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

The APC exploded, taking with it three other vehicles leaving death, pain, and the smell of burnt nachos in it's wake.

Gaige was still for a moment... and then pumped her arms high into the air in victory.

The moment didn't last long, as the other bandits recovered from the confusion and drove towards Gaige's position, realizing the threat she represented. Gaige readied herself, hoping she might pull off something just as utterly miraculous as her first salvo had been. Fortunately, she didn't have to.

 _"Yo, shorty! Heads up!"  
_  
Gaige looked up, and felt her perceptions slow down to a crawl as she saw her new Titan friend sail through the air overhead, and then the intro vision overtook her...

 _She saw a young woman with short blonde hair and haunted eyes hidden by a wide smile. She was punching a gigantic being made of living shadow in the belly, her fist trailing lightning as her other hand clutched a Torgue shotgun._

 _ **TINA as...**_

 _ **THE ROCKET TITAN**_

 _ **No longer tiny.**_

Tina descended upon the bandits like a bomb, landing in an explosion of lightning and thunder. Laughing, she proceeded to run dead center in the thickest formation of the runners. Without mercy, she punched each one as they tried to run her down or run past her, knocking them into each other and flipping them onto their backs.

"Geez, kid. What'd I tell ya?" A voice asked her from behind.

Turning, Gaige saw the Hunter amble up next to her, seemingly without a care in the world. Gaige's perception slowed down once again as another intro vision appeared before her.

 _Sitting idly by cocking a pistol as he was surrounded by enemies, she saw the Hunters face. It was clearly mechanical and painted green, but adorned with a silver sergeant's stripe above his left eye. She thought she saw a silver ring hanging on a chain upon his neck, but couldn't be certain._

 _ **AXTON-9 as...**_

 _ **THE TURRETSLINGER**_

 _ **Sometimes, to be awesome, we must also be stupid.**_

"Ah, well. Can't really blame ya. Us Guardians are just naturally attracted to destruction and heroic last stands. Miracle we've lasted this long, to be honest," he said as he threw down a box... which digistructed into giant turret that immediately began to fire large caliber rounds, and volleys of mini-rockets.

Already expecting what would come next, Gaige turned back to the ruined section of the wall. She was greeted by the sight of her Warlock friend gently descending through the air...

This time, Gaige was fully ready for the intro.

 _A lovely young woman with hair draped over one eye with the sides of her head shaved to make way for cybernetics, was wreathed in circuit-like neon lines around her. Most tellingly, bright blue tattoos shown through her clothes, beginning at her foot and all the way up her neck..._

 _ **ANGEL as...**_

 _ **THE SIREN**_

 _ **Likes: Cuddling, long walks through bookstores, and vengeance.**_

"Okay, team! Other fireteams will be covering us from the wall! Our job is to plug this gap, and make sure nothing gets through," Angel said as she manifested wings of void light and touched the ground. A large circle of purple energy appeared around the three Guardians. "Gaige! Stay here in the Rift with me! It'll boost your abilities and weapons! Axton, go get Tina before she overextends herself. We'll give you covering fire! Go!"

Axton nodded and took off, firing rounds into any stray bandits that Tina left behind.

Gaige felt a hand on her forearm. She looked up and locked eyes with Angel's visor.

"You ready for this?" She asked.

Inhaling, Gaige smiled, and answered clearly and without stuttering, _"I was reborn ready for this."_

With one last jab of arc fueled punching, Tina totaled the last of the vehicles that had been about to swarm the newbie. Looking from side to side, she narrowed her eyes. "If I know anything about stinkin' bandits, they should be coming right about..."

A chorus of war cry's and profanity erupted from the dust cloud the runners left behind.

"Now," she smiled as she digistructed a Torgue shotgun and began firing volleys of tiny mini-rockets into the crowd of oncoming Psycho's. "I love it when they're too stupid to scatter!"

Suddenly, she felt bullets impacting her shield. Instinctively, she brought up a large rectangular barrier made of Light. "An' I friggin' _hate it_ when their gunners outflank me," She grumbled.

Switching over to a Maliwan SMG, Tina began setting marauders to her left ablaze, charged an arc grenade in her left hand and threw it to her right. Just in time for a trio of psycho's to come barreling through her shield. Growling, she decapitated the one in the lead with a fist blazing with lightning, then with one-two punch, killed the second. The third got through and buried his buzz-saw axe in her shoulder. Screaming in pain and rage, Tina reached forward and grasped the psycho's head _and crushed it like a grape._

It was at this moment, as he Ghost began to repair the damage to her shoulder, Tina's barrier decided to give out.

"Oh, for _fuck's sake!"_ She yelled. Bringing up the SMG again, Tina laid suppressing fire against the thickest of the marauders.

The familiar sound of pulse rifle fire rang out behind her. Bandits left and right began to die in groups as their head came apart. Tina scowled behind her helmet as she continued to fire.

"Don't say it," she growled.

The sound of Axton's synthesized voice hummed behind her, "Y'know, this reminds me..."

 _"Don't say it."  
_  
"Of something ol' Shaxx said after a Crucible match..."

"Ho, don't do it."

"About a certain Titan..."

 _"Oh, my god."_

"Who, while amazing at clash and decent at supremacy, never fails to bungle up control matches _by running out ahead of her team and forgetting the objective. He said_ that he never knew a Titan better at sheer unmitigated destruction, and she would be utterly unstoppable if only she could would to stick with her team and _not to rush in head first."  
_  
"... Sorry."

Axton threw a grenade, splitting into a dozen little bomblets and began causing merry hell against the bandits around them. "I know you went to the Wei Ning seminars and took it all to heart, but _come on,_ Tina."

"I was on an epic kill streak!"

"You were, but staying with your team _is more important._ Now let's get back to the newbie, Angel will be annoyed if we leave her to cover the kid all by herself."

Tina laughed as she downed another marauder with SMG fire, "She might be happier if we leave the two of them alone."

"Huh?"

"You didn't notice she was _pretty cuddly_ with her?"

 _"Or_ it's just Angel bein' Angel. She's nice like that. You see pairings everywhere."

"Nuh uh, my gaydar was _off the charts,_ son! Besides, I'm always right! Who was the only one who predicted Shaxx would hook up with his wife?"

"... You did," he replied as he stopped firing and looked for more targets.

Looking from side to side, Tina noticed a lack of moving bandits. "Was that all of 'em?"

"The wave that headed in this direction at least."

A deafening roar erupted out of what remained of the dust cloud and...

 _A gigantic fur covered skag with fangs the size of claymores, and claws the size of limousines dragging by thick heavy chains what had once been a yellow school hover-bus full of Badass Psycho's and marauders, all of which surrounded by a background of fire and flying bits of meat._

 _ **SKAG-ALICIOUS**_

 _ **"Hey, wouldn't it be rad if we crossed a honey badger with a skag?"**_  
 _ **-Some asshole in DAHL**_

The monstrosity and it's cargo barreled past them at top speed... heading directly for the breach in the wall.

"... You saw the black and yellow skull attached to it's name right?"

"Oh, yeah."

"So, uh... how much trouble will we get in if it gets out that we brought a newbie to fight a Strike-class monster and a bunch of its minions?" Axton asked.

Tina digistructed her gun back into her inventory both of them and took off in a dead run back towards the wall. "Worse than when we accidentally burnt up Eva's banner inventory!"

Axton winced. "It'll take a miracle for her not to get _ended_ before we get there," Axton grumbled under her breath.

The voice of Gaige's Ghost raised itself above the sound of gunfire, "Hey, Gaige! Guess what?! I was sifting through your ECHO data, and I turned your anarchy stack abilities back on!"

Gaige fired at the few bandits who survived Tina's initial onslaught and emptied the clip. "Wait, did I forget to load up on ammo?"

"Don't worry!" Said her Ghost. "As long as you're around enemies as they expire, I can turn their last gasps of Light into ammo! I'll just make them look like glowing boxes, and if you move over them and I'll put them into our inventory."

Gaige pulled out the clip to her Khvostov, and felt it become heavy as Light made bullets digistructed into it. _"Awesome,"_ she said with a smile as she slapped it back in. With dark glee, she saw the first anarchy stack display itself on her HUD. _"Anarchy FOREVER!"  
_  
Spraying the two marauders left, she smiled as her missed shots bounced off the ground and- mostly- hit their targets.

Behind her helmet, Angel blinked at what her HUD was showing her. "Did you just make bullets bounce off the _dirt?"_

"Anything is possible when you can hack your guns Light based physics engine!" Gaige exclaimed as the bandits were torn to shreds by ricochets.

And then there was silence. Angel looked around, the dust cloud was beginning to disperse just a bit. "Okay, I think that was all of them. Let me show you the Warlock glide jump, so we can get back up on the wall."

Smiling, Gaige lowered her gun. "Cool..." Then her smile fell from her face and looked to the top of the wall. "Weren't we supposed to have help from fireteams up there?"

"... Yes. _We were."_ Angel tapped the side of her helmet, "Angel to wall fireteams. Kindly inform me where our fire support was." She asked with a cold tone.

A voice crackled on the radio, _"Sorry, sorry! They're trying the same shit on the opposite wall! You might be on your own for a while!"  
_  
"Copy that," Angel sighed. Suddenly another voice cut in.

 _"Hey, hey! Angelcakes! You got big trouble heading your way!"_ Yelled out the voice of Tina.

 _"She ain't kiddin'! Strike boss giant skag-thing with badass psycho's dragging behind it!"_ Axton added.

Angel was silent for a moment, then held out her hands in a calming gesture, "... Okay, here's how to glide; simply jump a little into the air, then channel a tiny bit of your Light through your feet and let it carry yo-"

 ** _ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!_** ** _  
_**  
Her hands clenched into fists, " _-son of a biscuit._ Weapons out, keep moving, and _stay near me!"_

Turning toward the sound of the roar, Gaige saw the great beast. After the intro was over in her eyes, she stared agape. "Skag-alicious? Really? And what's a honey badger?"

Angel proceeded to grab Gaige by the collar and dragged her into a run. _"More running, less commentary!"  
_  
Skag-alicious skidded to a halt as it came to New Haven's wall. Carried by it's momentum, the hover bus passed the great skag and crashed into the wall. Out of it's wreckage, came seven large, horribly deformed men wearing masks and wielding large pipes. _"COME AND GET YOUR MEAT COOKIES, AND HELP MAKE A RIB CAGE HOUSE! DONATIONS HIGHLY APPRECIATED!"_ One of them yelled.

Gaige instinctively opened fire into them. The psycho's charged, screaming in pain and glee. Getting in a lucky shot, Gaige managed to ricochet a round through one's eye-hole, instantly killing him.

Not feeling like it should be left out, Skag-alicious decided to run around to cut off Angel and Gaige's path, hoping to sate it's hunger with fresh human meat. Hacking up something awful and nasty, it showed the skag species horrible tendency to both projectile vomit and defecate out of the same hole.

Yanking Gaige to the side, Angel prevented the projectile from striking them. Glancing at the mess as it sizzled on the ground, Angel cursed under her breath, and made a decision. "Gaige, I'm going to need you to keep those bandits busy. I'll engage the giant skag long enough for Tina and Axton to get here."

"Got it!" Gaige nodded and circled around Angel, firing into the psycho's once more.

Steeling herself, Angel ran straight toward the great skag's wide open maw.

 _"Perfect,"_ She said with a smile.

Angel charged her fist with a massive amount of void Light, and released it straight toward Skag-alicious' wide open mouth.

 ** _VRAAAA-BAM!_**

 _ **SKREEEEEEEEE!**_ Screamed the skag as it crashed to it's side. Shaking it's head from side-to-side in a desperate attempt to shake off the burning void energy. Eventually, it dissipated, leaving smoldering mouth flesh in it's wake. Huffing, Skag-alicious got back up to it's feet, deciding not to care about the pain... as long as it could kill the one who hurt it.

Bringing up it's massive claws, it took a heavy swipe at Angel. The Siren, anticipating something like this, proceeded to jump directly over Skag-alicious in a Light assisted flip. Landing directly behind it, she threw a void grenade into it's armored hide... and briefly despaired as it did nothing more than blacken it's plate.

Breathing heavily, Angel exclaimed, "Where are those Drake tanks?!"

"Hey, wanna take out those droves of bandits by doing donuts?"

"DO I?!"

The beast turned a furious eye on Angel, tensing for a lethal pounce on the accursed tiny being before it.

Angel readied a golden pulse rifle from her inventory, and prepared herself to run and gun as the best she could.

Unfortunately for Skag-alicious, it was rudely interrupted from it's vengeance by SMG and scout rifle fire hitting it from it's side. It turned it's head to the new challengers growling and hissing in utter fury.

 _"Sorry we're late! The kid still alive?"_ Axton's voice rang out on the comm.

"Only if she gets support! Give her some cover! Tina we're on the skag!"

She could practically hear Tina's smile as she replied, _"Hell yes, boss fight!"_

"Kid seems capable, I'm sure she'll be fine when I get there." Axton said as Angel began pelting Skag-alicious' eyes with pulse rifle rounds.

"GYAAAA!" Gaige screamed as she dodged a psycho's heavy pipe sailing over her head.

Her clip empty, Gaige reacted on pure instinct. That is to say she reached up to the deformed crouching bandit's head, and slapped him in the face. To her shock _(AN: hehe)_ , her hand emitted lightning and decapitated the man.

The cheerful voice of Gaige's Ghost piped up in her head, "Wow! You just channeled arc energy on your first try! That's really rare for a Warlock!"

"THAT'S REALLY INTERESTING AND ALL, BUT RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING NOT TO DIE!" She yelled as she dodged strikes from the remaining five psychos, silently thanking her mother for making her attend the best gymnastic classes on Eden-5.

"Oh, right. Ooh! Maybe try forming an arc grenade?"

"How?!" Gaige demanded as she took a spare moment to reload her gun.

"Just channel your Light into your hand and throw it!"

Running ahead of the psychos. Gaige held out her new flesh and blood hand- _which was still super weird for her-_ and tried to imagine her Light gathering in her palm. Pale blue energy with strings of lightning appeared, trailing up her arm and into her fingertips.

 _"Throw it! Throw it!"_ Insisted her Ghost.

Gaige obliged, casting her arm out towards the pursuing bandits. A pale blue orb leapt from her hand and into their center, exploding and sending powerful arcs of Light enhanced electricity into two of their mutated bodies. One, already weakened from bullet wounds, immediately died, while another barely limped away. The limping one, presumably about to yell something about meat and mother issues, was mercifully put down by a sudden large caliber round to the head.

Axton's confident voice filled her ears, _"Hey, kid! We thought you'd like some help, but it looks like you got most of them. How about we wrap it up and go help the others?"_

"Sounds great!" Gaige replied. Looking at the psychos, she could see they being distracted by scout rifle fire. These three still seemed strong and ready for more, and didn't favor her chances of getting by them to Axton's position unharmed. "Really need something to finish them off for good..." She mumbled under her breath.

"Oh, but we _do!"_ Cackled her Ghost.

Gaige paused, "Wait, you're not talking about...?"

"He's ready for his _grand debut!_ Just make the arm movement, and speak one of your pre-programmed activation phrases, and I'll digistruct him right away!"

Laughing diabolically, Gaige reached out her hand, and said, _"GET 'EM, BOY!"_

A pillar of light appeared before her, and out of it... came a dark hulking figure made of metal. It bore two massive arms ending in powerful claws, attached to a floating legless torso. Atop it's shoulders, was a comparatively diminutive head, with a single ominously glowing eye. "DEATHTRAP: ONLINE." It spoke with a deep booming voice.

The terrible machine's eye moved to look at where the bandits where being peppered by Axton's scout rifle.

"ENEMY DESIGNATION: ASSHOLE. ASSHOLES ACTIVELY THREATENING THE MISTRESS. COMMENCING ANTI-BULLYING COUNTERMEASURES."

At surprising speed, Deathtrap glided toward them, throwing a brutal hay-maker into the closest one to it. As the psycho was dazed, the robot grabbed him by the neck and his huge deformed arm... _and pulled him apart._

The remaining two, now realizing the true threat, began to hit Deathtrap with their heavy pipes.

"... I never gave him a voice module." Said Gaige as she watched the slaughter with a raised eyebrow.

"I know, I took some creative liberties!" Chirped her Ghost.

"Like what?"

Suddenly, the plates on Deathtrap's right arm shifted, and a chainsaw sprang out. As it whirred to life, he brought it down atop a psycho's head and all the way down into his waistline.

 _"Like that."  
_  
"... Ghost. I think I love you."

"Oh, I love you, too!"

Setting off into a jog, Gaige ran around the carnage and approached Axton's position.

"That robot yours?" He asked.

"Yep! Built him myself!" Gaige said with a proud smile.

They looked on as Deathtrap retracted his chainsaw, threw the last bandit into the ground, and began to pummel the psycho into paste.

"Huh. Can't wait to see you bring it to the Crucible." Axton rubbed the chin of his helmet. "Although, it might get banned. That's what happened when Tina brought in her monster truck."

"The Cruci-what?"

Shaking his head, Aton replied, "Never mind. We'll show you when we get back home. Now lets go see how how our friends are doing."

With surprising speed, Skag-alicious smacked Angel into the ground, crushing her to death instantaneously.

Frowning, Tina groaned, _"Fucking shit balls."  
_  
The Titan digistructed a rocket launcher, took aim at the skag monster and fired into it's belly. Roaring in outrage, Skag-alicious lifted it's paw off the Angel pancake and turned it's attention to to Tina... only to find that she had already launched herself into the air, fist arcing with electricity _directly into it's eye._

 ** _SPLORCH!_**

Removing her fist from the ruined eyeball, Tina jumped off it's face. Running around Skag-alicious as it screamed and thrashed in pain, she came to where Angel's Ghost was in the process of reviving her from the current state of being _ground pizza._ Lending the Ghost a bit of her own Light, Angel's body evaporated and reappeared, healthy and whole once more. "Thank you, Tina." She said with a sigh.

Nodding, Tina smiled, "I got you, no worries. Any plan on taking him dow- OH SHIT, HE'S COMING THIS WAY!"

Skag-alicious, beyond pissed at the loss of its eye, came charging at them once more. The two Guardians sprinted away as it's claws came at them with savage slashes.

Still running from the furious beast, Tina picked up where she left off. _"_ So about that plan?!"

Angel thought for moment as she side stepped another claw attack. Then an idea came to her. "I have one! But I need it to hold still, and get it's mouth open! You stay with me, but we're going to need someone to buy us our opening!" Activating her comm, she contacted Axton, "Are you two done yet?! We need help if we're going to finish this thing anytime soon!"

 _"We sure are. In fact, we got a new friend to show 'im!"  
_  
In the distance, Angel could see Axton and Gaige flanking... some form of heavy metal death-bot. _"Say hello to Deathtrap! My sweet baby boy!"_ Came the sound of the new Warlock's voice.

"Okay, I can work with this! Gaige, can you get your robot to lock up the skag's legs?"

 _"Sure thing!"  
_  
Dodging another swipe, Angel continued, "Axton, I need you to deploy your turret and to pour everything it has into its underside!"

 _"Got it!'_

"Tina! Once it's mouth is open, _Efrideet special!"_

Tina, who had been running with her every step of the way, audibly gasped. "HELL FUCKING YEAH! Just in time, too! I'm fully recharged, baby!"

Angel proceeded to alter course and headed to Gaige and Axton's position. "Okay, if everyone's ready... GO!"

Deathtrap flew past Angel and Tina, towards Skag-alicious. "ENEMY DESIGNATION: _BIG_ ASSHOLE. ENGAGING RESTRAINING MANEUVERS."

The skag, in no mood for another contender, smacked the robot a fair distance away. Slowing to a halt in mid-air, Deathtrap took half a second to run a diagnostic. Where Skag-alicious had hit, there was a sizable dent. Feeling... annoyed, Deathrap clenched it's claws.

"RE-DESIGNATING ENEMY: _MOTHERFUCKER."_

For the second time, he flew at the monster. And when the skag raised it's monstrous claw for another strike, Deathtrap dodged beneath it, going straight for the left hind leg. With all of it's strength, he began to drag the skag mutant back inch by inch. Skag-alicious began to dig it's front claws into the ground before it, trying to stop the unwanted reversal.

"Axton! Now's your chance!" Shouted Angel as she fired at Skag-alicious' remaining eye, hoping to keep the monster's attention divided.

Getting into position, Axton threw down his turret... and charged it with the Light of the Sun. Unfolding, wreathed in flames, the turret began firing burning rockets and bullets into Skag-alicious' unprotected belly.

And, as Angel predicted, it opened it's great mouth wide and _screamed.  
_  
"TINA, NOW!"

As one, both Guardians lifted into the air. Angel, grabbing Tina by the ankles, spun her around mid-air and released her into the direction of the monster. Tina, for her part, _unleashed the Fists of Havoc._ Crackling through the air and trailing arc energy, Tina landed directly into Skag-alicious' mouth.

 _BOOM!_

The screaming increased in pitch as the shocking pain began short-circuiting it's brain. Skag-alicious shook it's head furiously in a desperate attempt to get the Titan out. Tina braced her her feet against the sides of it's vertical jaw, grabbed hold of it's giant tongue with one arm, and began to use it's uvula as a punching bag with the other.

All the while, Tina was laughing. It was shaping up to be a good day for her.

And then she felt it's throat shaking and contracting. The laughter stopped. She knew what that meant.

The day was attempting to shapeshift into a _bad_ day.

Picking up the speed in her punches, Tina growled low and angry, "Don't you dare! Don't you _freaking da-!"_

Skag-alicious promptly spat out Tina with something horrible and unspeakable sizziling against her Torso. The Titan flew, flew, and flew... until she hit New Haven's wall, breaking her neck.

Angel groaned in frustration, _"Fudge!_ That should have killed it! I'll go revive Tina! Gaige, open fire into it's mouth while it's still pinned!"

Gaige, having been remotely operating Deathtrap's on board repair systems with the help of her Ghost, threw a thumbs up to Angel as the Siren ran to Tina's corpse. The young Warlock again aimed her Khvostov and opened fire into Skag-alicious.

The great beast, refusing to die like _this_ , finally managed to shake off Deathtrap with final kick. Looking about with it's one good eye, it decided to go after the easiest target. Which, unfortunately for her, was Gaige.

With one final charge, Skag-alicious ran at her with all the might remaining in it's body.

For her part, Gaige felt no fear. As she poured round after round into the charging monster, her smile never left her face. Today had been amazing for her, despite all the chaos. She had made friends, gotten superpowers, become effectively immortal, and even got to see ol' Deathtrap upgraded! No matter how much turmoil there had been, she had felt at peace with how it had all gone. She felt like... like... _the calm in the center of the storm..._

... And that was how Gaige fell into her very first _Stormtrance._

Lifting up into the air not unlike her beloved robot, Gaige cackled. Acting on instinct, she digistructed her rifle away, raised her hands... and released arcs of lightning into the beast. Skag-alicious screamed as it was once again electrocuted and fell heavily to it's side, limbs thrashing in agony. The young warlock aimed one hand at it's mouth, and the other at it's injured belly. She increased the voltage, and sent more, _and more,_ _**and more**_ lightning into it's already smoldering wounds.

At long last, she descended to the ground, the storm spent.

Skag-alicious lay there, unmoving. It breathed in painful, erratic bursts.

Then Tina's voice burst onto the radio, _"Okay! Tina's back in the ga-! And it's already down for the count. What did I miss?"_

Axton, already walking up to Gaige, laughed as he replied, "The newbie just went full Stormcaller on it's ass. Finished the job." He reached up and held out his fist. Gaige smiled, and raised her own and bumped it. "A strike boss on your first day. People'll be talking about this one for a long time to come. Longer if ya keep at it."

"I'll try, in my own stumbling way," Gaige answered with a cocky smile.

Angel and Tina jogged up to their position, and watched Skag-alicious dying breaths with them.

Digistructing her helmet into her inventory, Tina rubbed her hands with glee, "Here comes the best part!"

Angel raised her hand with her index finger out, "She means the part where a powerful enemy's Light gives out, and turns into physical data in the form of an engram. A cryptarch can decode one into a variety of arms and armor."

"It's a dice roll, but more often than not, you end up with good shit," said Axton.

Following Tina's lead, Gaige removed her own helmet as well, "Oh, like a loot system, right?"

 _"Here it comes, here it comes!"_ Tina shouted.

With one final breath, Skag-alicious went still. All was silent, until.. _. a colorful rainbow of glimmer and engrams erupted from it's corpse._ Gaige saw white, green, blue, and even purple dodecahedrons fly through the air. Gaige, held out her arms, hoping to catch one. Finally, one fell right into her arms.

Gaige looked down... at the _bright yellow_ engram that she had caught.

Tina's mouth dropped open. "... What kinda _bullshit beginner's luck..."  
_  
Axton stared agape as he held two blue engrams, "I see it, but I can't believe it..."

"I take it I got the good one?" Gaige asked with a grin.

Angel removed her helmet, and smiled. "Oh, wow. An exotic engram on your _first loot drop?_ That is _amazingly_ lucky, Gaige! Here, crypto-archaelogy is a hobby of mine, let me unlock it for you."

Gaige held it out the engram, and Angel began pulling at it's edges and twisting until it began to unravel... into some kind of monstrous gatling gun auto rifle hybrid.

Angel clapped her hands together, "Good one. Anybody else want theirs unlocked?"

Tina began to rub the top of Gaige's head.

"Uh... whatcha doin', Tina?" Axton asked.

Not stopping, Tina replied, "Rubbing the lucky kinderguardian for good engram unlocks, duh."

"Seriously?" Gaige grumbled under her breath.

"Lemme get in on that action!" Axton exclaimed as his hand reached out and joined Tina's on the Mechromancer's head. "Come on, I need me a new cape to infuse into my good ones!"

Gaige's Ghost piped in, "Hey, everyone! I just got the all clear signal from the Vanguard! Looks like the civilians have all been evacuated. The glimmer for this mission has already been transferred into your accounts. Also, as a bonus for taking down Skag-alicious, you are all being offered purple level Vanguard chest pieces!"

Gaige raised her hand.

"And I already made an account for you, boss! Don't worry, you got paid."

The Mechromancer jumped into the air and pumped her fist. "Yes! Money and loot!'

Angel tried but failed to suppress a giggle, "Alright, let's get these engrams unlocked. Then we finally can go home."

Transmatting once again into an awkward position in Angel's ship, Gaige realigned herself from being upside down to being in her new friends lap once more.

Shifting into a more comfortable position in her seat, Angel said, "We really need to get you your own jumpship. And a Sparrow network subscription too, now that I think of it. Oh! And some weapons and armor as well while we're at it."

"Uh... how much will that all cost me?" Asked Gaige as she felt the spiritually dampening effect of knowing that a recently acquired amount of money was to be viciously subtracted.

"It should the ship and the Sparrow, if you go over... I'll cover it. It'll be my way of apologizing for getting you into that mission. That... wasn't how I wanted you get your first taste of Guardian life."

Gaige laughed and tapped Angel's nose, briefly causing the the Siren to go cross-eyed. "Ah, don't worry about it! It was fun! Got the hang of all these superpowers and everything."

Angel's face flushed and she quickly turned her eyes back to the ship's HUD. She hit a few switches, and the stars gave way to the rainbow of colors as the jump drive activated. "Yes, you did very, _very_ well. I take it you're well used to combat.?"

A brief frown flickered across Gaige's face. "Yeah, me and Deathtrap spent a couple years running around Pandora, doing jobs, outrunning bounty hunters, fighting the wildlife. It was... okay. Not great, but I was good at it. Went alright until... well, you saw where I ended up."

"A lot of Pandoran Guardians story begins that way. You're not alone, for what it's worth," Angel said in a comforting tone. "Tina, for example, was born and raised for the first thirteen years of her life there."

"I think I just wanna see this Sanctuary place you've all been talking about. I'm actually getting pretty hyped."

The console suddenly beeped, and Angel allowed herself a smile."We're coming up on Sanctuary now."

The viewscreen's show of the kaleidoscope colors of jumpspace suddenly ended... and was filled with something that made Gaige's mouth drop. Before her was the image of a smooth grey planetoid, devoid of any visible geography, imperfections, or any blemishes. "Is that... an entirely articificial _planet?"_ Gaige gasped.

Angel held out a hand as she gestured at it. "This... was the last thing the Traveler made before the First Collapse. Its home, its safe place, its stronghold," Angel let out a small laugh. _"Its Sanctuary."_

The radio crackled, _"Welcome home, Angel dear. Transmatting you inside in ten."_

"Copy that." Angel turned to Gaige. "That was my old friend Felicity. She's an AI I pieced back together a long time ago. Now she's taken an exo body and runs Sanctuary's ship traffic."

Within seconds, a flash of light engulfed them... and they were inside Sanctuary.

For the first time in her life, Gaige beheld the Traveler.

She saw it's great outer shell, broken and cracked, but somehow still... strong.

She also saw the landscape around it... and how it curved _all the way around._

 _"HOLY SHIT BALLS, IT'S A DYSON SPHERE!"_

 _ **END OF CHAPTER 1.**_

 ** _Author's_** _ **Notes: Originally posted on the Space Battles forum in snippets, I will assemble completed chapters here. Probably do some fixes while I'm at it.  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

**NOTE: Just a reminder that this is a compilation from the chapter 2 posts of my thread on Space Battles, and if it feels a bit awkward, it's due to that.**

 **CHAPTER TWO**

 **Sanctuary, sweet Sanctuary**

Gaige and Angel transmatted to the largest city, atop a grand tower with dozens of maintenance drones, and ships buzzing about. Around them, life in the Tower buzzed and thrived. Guardians, awoken, exo's and humans went about their day, all pausing briefly to look at the two Warlocks who had suddenly appeared. Mainly because Gaige was hopping up and down, shaking Angel by the arms and yelling in a high pitched voice, "DYSONSPHEREDYSONSPHEREDYSONSPHERE!"

Not even bothering to stop her new friend form rocking her about, Angel raised her hand with a finger extended, "Y-y-yes, i-it i-i-is a-a-an i-im-p-pressive feat o-of co-osmic en-enginee-eering."

At last, Gaige released Angel. She brought up her hands to her cheeks and spun around with a loud squee. "I died! I died and landed in nerd heaven! I have all the questions! I get to live here?! OH, MY GOD! I'M GONNA LIVE ON A DYSON SPHERE!"

Angel smiled as she looked upon the Mechromancer's happy display. "By decree of the Traveler, any Guardian, human, awoken, exo, and even most Eliksni houses are all welcome to live here. Well, except bandits. Because Darkness infection. Now, about your orientation-"

Gaige stopped, and blinked. "The Eliksni? As in the Fallen? Those pirate alien bug guys? I remember watching news reports about them when I was in school. They were always attacking colonies and trying to steal what few Light reactors from the Golden Age we had."

Nodding, Angel replied, "Yes, at one time they were one of humanity's deadliest enemies, but that's changed now. With the return of the Traveler, we've allied with... most of the Houses. House Wolves, Devils, and Winter refuse to believe that Traveler chose to abandon them during the event the Eliksni call 'the Whirlwind.' Basically, they think we're a bunch of lying liars who have brainwashed the Traveler, and they have to kill us all to free it."

"That's... convoluted."

"We deal with them as best we can, and the Eliksni who live here on Sanctuary don't like talking about them. Kind of a taboo subject."

"Like the uncle who keeps trying to blast country music at the family get-together," said Gaige, as she snapped her fingers.

Angel brought up a hand to her mouth and tried to stifle a giggle.

Gaige smiled at her new Siren friend, "Aw, why are you trying to hide your laugh? It's pretty." She asked as she cocked her head to the side.

Angel, going _fully_ red stammered out a reply. "Er- I- well- what I mean to say is- um- uh, thank you." Ringing her hands, Angel mentally sought out an escape route. "Anyway! One exception with the unaligned Fallen is the House of Kings! They've agreed not to attack us, but they refuse to be ruled by anyone but themselves."

"Cool. So... what was that about an orientation that you mentioned?"

"Ah, yes! Right! Right. You have to meet with the Vanguard representatives and the Speaker. They'll give you an overview of what we're about, how you'll fit in, and what kinds of things you can volunteer for to help out." Angel gestured at a nearby elevator. "You'll first have to meet with Ikora Rey, the Warlock Vanguard. She's our voice in the Consensus, the governing body of Sanctuary."

"Alright, I guess it'd be a good idea to meet the bosses." Just then, something occurred to her. Gaige frowned in confusion as she looked around. "Hey, where's Axton and Tina? Did they transmat to the wrong location?"

Angel shook her head. "No, they probably went home. Axton-9 usually spends time skiing this time of year, so he'll be in his mountain home on Continent D. Tina... lives in her RV. She usually just drives around all over, when she's not visiting her adoptive parents."

"Oh. I was kinda hoping they'd be here. Ah, well." Gaige bopped Angel on the arm. "Got you here, at least."

Angel mouth opened into a small 'o,' then smiled wide. "Well, I-I'll be available whenever you need me. I'll just upload my contact information into your Ghost."

"Speaking of which... someone's been a little quiet." Bringing up her hand, Gaige willed her Light to summon her Ghost. The floating ball appeared... and lazily floated down into her palm.

"Like heeeeeeey, boss..." Her Ghost said as she twitched gently in Gaige's hand. "Welcome home... Where the Light is pure, and the Guardians play aaalllllllllll daaay."

Gaige's face showed mock outrage, "Are you _high?"_

Angel raised her hand, "It's the Traveler. The closer they are to it's Light, the loopier they get. They can still perform basic tasks, but if you need them at the top of their game, we have special blockers we can turn on and restore them to normal."

"Might have to get one," Gaige said as she bit her bottom lip. _"Someone_ also needs a name. Can't just go about calling her 'my Ghost' all the time, now can I?"

"I'll roll with whatever you come up with, boss lady..." Her Ghost replied as she assumed a more comfortable position in her palm.

Angel held out her hand and brought out her own Ghost, who was covered in a white shell with golden angel wings printed on it's 'face.' "I named my Ghost 'Ophanim,' but most Guardians take to naming their Ghosts after people they knew in their first life."

Ophanim gazed disdainfully at the Ghost in Gaige's hand. "Lightweight," he declared, and then disappeared back into Angel's Light.

Gaige stared at her tiny companion. "Hmm, maybe... Katya? That was my grandma's name."

The little Ghost, now Katya, perked up at this. "Oh, that makes me sound like... like... a sexy russian spy lady...!" She then dropped her voice into a faux accent, _"Hello, I am being here to seduce you and then fill you with all the bullets, for glory of mother Russia, da? Hohoho-_ and I don't actually know any stereotypical russian laughs..."

Gaige rolled her eyes, "I think you need to take a little nap, comrade. Back in you go." She willed her Light once again, and her Ghost fell back into place within her. "Well, I guess I should head in and say hello. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck! Just think of it as an interview where you already have the job."

Gaige nodded and began walking to the elevator. Once inside, she found a holographic display conveniently marking which floors belonged to which Vanguard representative. Looking out the door she saw Angel waving at her.

"I'll just wait here!" Angel said. "After you're done, we can go shopping for the things you need!"

"Sure thing!" Replied Gaige as she hit the button for the Warlock Vanguard's floor. She waved goodbye as the doors closed.

With a jolt, she felt the elevator begin to descend.

Angel began smacking her forehead repeatedly _."'And maybe after, you'd like to get dinner, and maybe catch a romantic movie? Because I think you're pretty neat, and I'd like for us to get to know each other more. Like a date. As in romantically. Not a friend date. A date date.'"_ Sighing dramatically, she walked to a nearby railing with a grand view of the landscape around the tower. She folded her legs beneath her in a meditative position. "Why is it so hard to ask someone out?"

Quickly growing bored, she brought out Ophanim and had him bring an extranet show on his projector.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Sir Hammerlock's Hunting and Learning show!' Today we'll be finding out what happens when you introduce a Hive nest to white phosphorus! The answer will shock and amuse you!"

Exiting the elevator, Gaige found herself entering a busy hall with Warlock's mulling among themselves. At the end of the hallway, was a pair of ominous oak door with ornate carvings.

Gaige opened the door and and saw a dark-skinned woman with closely shaven hair sitting at an ornate desk. The Warlock wearing dark purple robes was surrounded by books, various arcane instruments, and active holographic sceens. She looked up at Gaige, and smiled as stood to meet her.

Then the intro activated...

 _She beheld the woman as she sat atop a pile of bodies comprising of men, robots, and alien species Gaige didn't recognize. She watched as the woman took out a large book and opened it. Then a man in Titan armor, who was missing his legs below his knees, climbed the body pile with a hand outstretched to the woman- whether in a plea for mercy, or a last attempt at vengeance, she couldn't tell. She responded by drawing out a shotgun and blasting the Titan's head off without taking her eyes from her reading material._

 _ **IKORA REY as**_

 _ **THE WARLOCK VANGUARD**_

 _ **Queen of the Nerds, and Breaker of Titans**_

"Greetings, young Warlock. We observed your efforts on Pandora from here. You did exceptionally well for your first sortie. And to top off, your very first alignment to the Light was as a Stormcaller. The most difficult and elusive power for one of us to achieve." Ikora gave a small smile and raised a brow, "Be warned. I will be expecting great things from you."

Feeling suddenly unsure of herself, Gaige stood up straight and saluted. "Er, yes! I promise to do my best!"

Ikora nodded, "That's all we ask of any Guardian." Sliding open a drawer, she took out a bronze circlet with the Vanguard logo upon it. "A Warlock's bond. A symbol of past achievements, of our allegiances to Factions and the various orders we belong to. Whichever you choose to wear in the future, always remember this one. This bond symbolizes that despite wherever our paths take us, our first loyalty is to the Light, to the people, to the Traveler, to Sanctuary... and the Vanguard."

Ikora took Gaige's arm, and slid the bond into place. The small circlet clicked into place as it made itself smaller to fit. Gaige smiled as she felt the warmth of it's Light spread up and down from where it touched. "Oh, that's nice."

"Now, to go over the most basic facts of Warlock life." The elder Warlock returned to her chair and tented her hands over her desk. "We are, first and foremost, the scholars and researchers of the Vanguard. We push what few limits of the Light there are, and use what we find improve life for all in Sanctuary, as well as using it against the forces of Darkness and our _other_ enemies. Whatever research you conduct will be made available to the Vanguard on request. No exceptions. In return, you will have whatever help in your studies we deem appropriate. You may also join one of the many circles of Warlock's who devote themselves to various degree of studies. But, no matter with whom you align yourself with, remember one thing..."

"And that is...?"

 _"You answer to me._ If you feel anyone is doing doing something questionable or unusually dangerous, even if they're an older and more experienced individual who believes their actions are 'for the greater good,' you contact me. We have had Warlocks in the past who became... unfortunately confused on this matter. It is always so troublesome when I have to correct this stance, and the sooner it is brought to my attention the sooner we can all get it over with."

Gaige smiled and decided to relieve some of the tension. "Understood. If someone attempts to open eldritch portals and summon dark gods that we cannot comprehend, I'll shoot you a text."

Ikora allowed herself a small laugh, and said, "You jest, but that's not outside the realm of possibility. Now, one last thing... if you ever you are ever in the need for research materials, simply seek out the Vanguard library, for it is free for all Guardians to use. But if you ever attempt to bid for a rare tome, or first edition book from one of Sanctuary's many bookstores..." She held out a hand, digistructed a shotgun, and laid it on the table between them. "I have first dibs."

"... Understood."

"I have first dibs, _forever."_

"Yes, ma'am."

With a wave of her hand, Ikora digistructed the shotgun away. "I'll have some of the more respectable circles send you pamphlets. as well as some primers for understanding the intricacies of solar, void, and arc Light. For now, carry on and introduce yourself to the Titan's representative and Commander of the Vanguard. He is one of the only two people in all of Sanctuary who has authority over mine." Tapping her desk, she brought a holographic screen into her view. "Don't let me detain you."

Gaige smiled awkwardly took a step toward the door... and then halted. Turning her head to Ikora, she raised her hand. "Um, one question?"

"Ask."

"The 'Breaker of Titans?'"

Ikora smiled, "An old nickname from my Crucible days. Ask Lord Shaxx about it when you meet him."

Gaige returned to the elevator and selected the Titan Vanguard's floor. After waiting as it ascended a couple levels, the elevator halted and opened its doors. Stepping out, the young Warlock saw large hallway brimming with activity. In one corner, she spotted a pair of Titans helping a group of children construct a fort made of seat cushions liberated from nearby couches. In another corner, she saw a Titan resting in an unmolested chair, surrounded by his fellows as he regaled them with stories.

Gaige continued on past them all, eventually ending up at a heavy mahogany door. Beside the door was a large framed photograph of a blue awoken like her wearing shining Titan armor, and a hard hat. The man was smiling as he wielded a giant pair of golden scissors against a bright red ribbon. Behind him was what looked like the base of the tower she currently stood in.

Shrugging, Gaige opened the door and saw the man from the photo standing before a holographic display detailing various landscapes with tactical data. He looked up and smiled at the Mechromancer. The intro sequence followed shortly after.

 _She beheld the man dragging a wounded Guardian with one hand through a battlefield, while blasting away various alien horrors with a shogun in his other hand. Getting behind a slab of broken concrete, he dropped his weapon and the Guardian, reached out his hands created an impenetrable shield of void Light. She watched as the fury of his enemies impotently crashed upon it._

 _ **ZAVALA as...**_

 _ **THE COMMANDER OF THE VANGUARD**_

 _ **The fudging fudge in charge of you fudges**_

Zavala held out a hand to Gaige as the intro faded away. She reached out her hand and had it engulfed by his in a firm handshake. "Ah, one of the heroes from New Haven. You went above and beyond what we would ask from a newly raised Guardian." He released her hand and stepped back into an easy parade rest.

Gaige sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "Yeah, well all I did was kind of fall off the wall, and then I had to make do."

Zavala nodded, "Nevertheless, you earned your colors and your place among the Vanguard this day." He brought up his hand and raised a finger, "However, I will tell you that you cannot always count on luck. It was very fortunate that you were accompanied by three experienced Guardians. You may not do so well the next time, so I am hereby ordering you to attend the Crucible's training courses before you take a field assignment again. There, you will learn the formations and combat techniques passed on by Guardians for centuries."

"Um, right. The Crucible. No one's told me what that actually is yet."

The smile flickered on the Titan's face. "A live fire training course for Guardians. There are various competitions, challenges, and genuine military training involved. I may not... entirely approve of how my old friend Shaxx and his wife run it, but I cannot argue the positive effect it's had on our Guardians combat abilities. Now, let's cover strikes, raids, and the protocols involved making them successful..."

And so for the next ten minutes, Zavala lectured her on the 'do's and don'ts' of Vanguard missions, the command structure she was expected to adhere to in the field, and what forms she would have to fill out to apply for the 'high reward' raids.

After giving her a small pile of pamphlets, he patted her shoulder and sent Gaige on her way. Closing the door behind her, she digistructed her pamphlets into her inventory. Passing by the Titan's from earlier, she couldn't help but smile as she saw them sitting on the ground 'besieging' the children as they stood defiant in their cushion fort. Gaige stepped into the elevator once more, and prepared herself to meet the last Vanguard representative.

The elevator doors opened once more, and Gaige found herself in a nearly deserted hallway, with only a pair of Hunters near the window. On closer inspection, they were having a dance off. With no music. In complete silence.

Gaige decided to pass by them quietly, and headed toward the end of the hallway where she could see the door was already open. She overheard the tinny voice of an exo man, presumably speaking into his comm unit.

"-look, I don't care if she set your cape on fire. It's a horrible offense, but you super cannot insert an axe into her face in retaliation. Why? _Why?_ Because it's not the Crucible, and we're not psychopaths. Now when she rezzes, you apologize to her, and you both agree to go your separate ways. End of discussion."

Peeking past the door, Gaige saw an exo in brown Hunter gear with a horn atop his head. He lay atop his desk shaking his head in frustration, all paperwork lying on the ground. She took a moment to let the intro run...

 _Gaige watched the exo as sat behind his desk. She saw him look suspiciously from side to side. Deciding he was alone, she saw him drag out one of his legs as it trailed a heavy chain leading back to his desk. He then drew out a saw and began to work on cutting the chain-links keeping him from his freedom._

 _ **CAYDE-6 as...**_

 _ **THE HUNTER VANGUARD**_

 _ **Lord of zany schemes and half baked plansZ:689a9ERROR: IF UR READING THIS I HACKED THE INTRO SYSTEM PLZ TAKE ME WITH U ON ADVENTURES AND GET ME OUT OF HERE!**_

Looking up from his prone position, Cayde saw Gaige and hopped off the desk. "Oh, hey, you're that newbie I heard about from that thing I was supposed to read. Hi, and welcome to the team."

Gaige gave a little wave, "Hey. So, I already met with Ikora and the Commander. Was there anything in particular I needed to cover with you?"

"Not much. Since you're Ikora's responsibility, you won't have much reason to interact with me," Cayde said with a shrug. "My only regular contribution your way will be through treasure maps that my Hunters make showing any valuable resources you can grab. Also, my guys and gals out there in the field have an obligation to give you a heads up if anything important is going on in the area."

Gaige nodded, "Got it."

"Okay, then. You said I was the last Vanguard you've met with?"

"Yep."

"Then you head on up to the Speaker. She'll want to meet you. Just, uh... ah, forget it. You can handle yourself. Just be polite. You'll be fine."

"Right, well... later then." Gaige said as she turned to exit the door. Then she turned her head to back to Cayde, "So, there was a little error message in your intro..."

Cayde waved his hand, "Oh, that. That's been there for a while. Someone's idea of a joke. I'll get it fixed one of these days." He then raised his hands to his face and loudly whispered, _"It's not a joke. Save meeeee..."_

"I see..."

 _"Be my hero... get me out of here...!"_

Gaige smiled as she walked out the door. "I'll think about it!"

The elevator, for once, did not open into a hallway. Instead, it opened to reveal a simple white room with a slightly raised platform with complicated machinery attached to it. Beside it were two Titans in white armor. One of them wielded a rocket launcher, and the other had a sword that was as long as he was tall.

"Orientation?" The one with the rocket launcher asked.

"Yep," Gaige said with a nod.

The sword bearing Titan gestured toward the platform. "Step up here and you'll be directly transmatted to the Speaker's office."

"Lucky you, she's in a good mood today," said the other.

"Okay..." Gaige shrugged, and stepped up onto the device. After a brief moment, she transmatted away from the room... into a blinding white space with an overpowering aroma of vanilla.

Suddenly, Katya's voice rang out within her head _. "WHOA, MAMA!_ It's the GOOD STUFF! WOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Wincing at the volume, Gaige opened her mouth to say something... but stopped as she felt a warm, comforting feeling all throughout her being. If she hadn't known any better, she would have said that it... was... the Light. Her eyes widened.

"Am I inside the _Traveler?!"_

"Yes," replied a woman's voice behind her. Gaige turned around and saw a feminine figure sitting at a desk wearing brown robes and a stylized mask concealing her face. She gestured forward and a comfortable chair digistructed in front of the young Warlock. "Welcome. Have a seat."

Gaige smiled as she sat down in the proffered shair. It was squishy and... perfect. "Oh, wow. I could fall asleep in this."

The woman, who she assumed to be the Speaker, nodded. "Predictive memory foam. It knows what shape to take and how much softness to apply before one even sits upon it."

"Cool," Gaige said. Then she noticed a distinct lack of something. "Huh, the intro thing didn't kick on."

The Speaker waved a hand. "It's normally handled by the Ghost. Yours is most likely incapacitated by the sheer amount of Light inside of this place."

 _"I can look up the skirt of the inner workings of the Universe!"_ Katya added helpfully.

"Er, yeah. My friend said something about a blocker being able to help. I was wondering where to get one?" Gaige asked.

The Speaker gestured at something like a large contact lens on her desk. "Take one of these. It effectively filters out the... disorienting effect the Traveler's Light has on Ghosts while maintaining their connection."

Gaige summoned Katya into her hand, and attached one of the lens to the Ghost's blue eye. The shell twitched and she floated off Gaige's hand with more stability than she had since arriving in Sanctuary.

"Aw, man. My buzz..." Katya murmured sadly.

The Speaker folded her hands stop the desk and straightened in her seat. "Now, let us-" She was interrupted by the sound of gentle ringing in the air. The Speaker huffed a small sigh in annoyance. "The Traveler would like to know if you're hungry."

Gaige blinked. She was rather uncertain what the consequences would be for trying to politely deny a cosmic god. She decided to err on the side of caution and said, "Sure, I'd love to have something to eat."

The space in front of Gaige on the desk was suddenly filled with a covered plate with silverware and a large glass of what appeared to be apple cider. Scootching her chair forward, she lifted the lid off... and found a mouth watering sight. A thick steak cooked medium well, alongside mashed potatoes and grilled corn on the cob lay before her. The Mechromancer quickly began to dig in. "Mmph. Oh, wow. It's exactly like my parents used to make."

The Speaker nodded, "Your Light and soul are inextricably linked to the Traveler through your Ghost. Through this connection, it can recreate things just as you remember them. The only exception to this is anything alive like a loved one, or even a pet."

"Um?" Gaige pointed at herself.

"The Traveler has never gone into detail as to why only certain individuals can return from the dead as Guardians. My own personal theory is that it can't choose. I believe it is the _Light itself_ that decides."

Gaige frowned, "But wait, I thought the Traveler was the only source of all Light in the known universe. I remember that when I was growing up, the corporations tried to make their own but always failed. The closest they ever came was reverse engineering the Fallen's ether. That's why Golden Age reactors are so valuable, they're little chunks of the Traveler's Light gifted to us before the First Collapse."

The Speaker held up a finger, "It is important to remember that the Traveler itself is not the Light, it is simply the greatest conduit currently at the Light's disposal. In fact, we here in Sanctuary have consistently proven through experimentation that all life," She paused linking her fingers together, then continued, "Is both connected to the Light, and _producing more of it._ In fact, we have come to believe that it is a fundamental part of the universe that has gained a _mind of it's own_." Sighing, she carried on, "Arrogance made the corporations of old believe that they could bend it to their will. The Light is a cosmic force that can alter the laws of physics simply by it's own presence. Trying to control it must have been like attempting to wrangle a hurricane with a rope."

"That..." Gaige paused, "actually makes me feel kind of small."

"Simply because we feel small, is no reason to despair. After all, doesn't being tiny compared to the cosmic forces of the universe only heighten our sense of beauty and wonder in their presence?" The Speaker asked gently.

"Never thought of it like that before..."

The woman sat up straight once more and softly clapped her hands. "Now, as I was saying before someone," The Speaker gestured at the bright, white space around them, "Interrupted me. There is a semi-formal tradition that I like to have with each Guardian under my care. First, you will ask me questions, and I shall answer honestly. When you are done, _I_ shall ask you questions and you shall answer honestly." The older woman leaned forward. "I should inform you, I _will_ know if you are lying. Either to _yourself_ , or to me."

"So... we ask each other... anything?"

The Speaker gave a brief nod. "Yes. Ready?"

"Okay..." Gaige said as she wracked her brain for something. Making a snap decision, she bit her lip and asked, "What do you look like without that mask?"

The older woman laughed softly, then brought up her hands to her helmet. Unclasping the sides, she withdrew the mask from her face, revealing a strikingly pale woman with short raven dark hair, full lips... and _three eyes_ emanating with pure Light.

"Ooh, Lemme queue up the intro card!" Piped in the voice of Katya within Gagie's head.

 _Gaige saw the Speaker walking upon the dry ground of a desolate plain. Where her feet touched, water bubbled to the surface, and was followed by green sprouts of vegetation. She saw the robe clad woman holding a green floating rock in her hands. She seemed to regard it for a moment... and then discarded it without regret. She brought her Ghost into her hand, a happy little thing with roses painted upon it shell. It bobbed happily, then floated to the Speaker's face and nuzzled it gently. She held the Ghost there with her hands in a small loving embrace._

 _Suddenly, a group skeletal, oozing aliens appeared before the Speaker waving weapons menacingly. Her three eye's flickered with annoyance. She lifted a glowing hand out at the monstrous beings... and sent a bolt of pure Light into their midst. The aliens screamed as they were simultaneously torn apart by the hunger of the void, the pulses of arc, and hot solar flames._

 _She returned her hand to her Ghost and held it with love once more, with only the death cries of her enemies only slightly ruining the moment._

 _ **ERIS MORN as...**_

 _ **THE SPEAKER**_

 _ **(Cayde's life is suffering)**_

"Any other questions?" Eris asked with a gentle smile.

 _A/N: You guys have no idea how tempted I was to make the Speaker Patricia Tannis instead. I chose Eris ultimately because she would serve as a better 'straight woman' for the Traveler's antics. Also... plot._


	3. Chapter 3

**GRIMOIRE:**

 **THE SPEAKER**

 **THE BATTLE OF SANCTUARY**

 **Second Collapse**

 **(The Rise of the Speaker, and the Fall of Crota)**

 **AUDIO LOG TRANSCRIPT**

 **SALADIN FORGE: -have breached sectors nine through thirty-three! We need forces to pour onto those ogre's before they reach the shelters!**

 **OSIRIS: It doesn't matter. Crota has breached the Traveler's shell. Hope is lost.**

 **ANDAL BRASK:** _ **Dammit, dammit, dammit!**_

 **OSIRIS: Ikora Rey's Hidden are attempting to head him off, but...**

 **SALADIN: ... They don't stand a chance.**

 **ANDAL: [Taking a sip from a flask.] Might as well head up there anyways.**

 **OSIRIS: If we are to meet our end...**

 **SALADIN: Then we shall face it directly. It's been an honor, my frien-**

 **[KRA-KOOOOOOOOOM]**

 **ANDAL: The hell- Is it me, or is the Traveler...** _ **glowin'?**_

 **OSIRIS: That's... new.**

 **SALADIN: Is that... Crota? Being driven out by...** _ **a comet of Light?**_

 **ANDAL: Lemme get a closer look with the ol' sniper rifle...**

 **OSIRIS: [Incoherent gibbering]**

 **ANDAL: Ain't a comet. Looks like a person.**

 **SALADIN: Osiris! Get a hold of yourself, man!**

 **OSIRIS: It's awake,** _ **the Traveler is awake!**_ **For good, or ill!**

 **SALADIN: What?**

 **ANDAL: Looks like one of my Hunters... Eris Morn. But, that can't be right. She lost her Light and her Ghost on the Earth expedition. Came back all creepy and Hive-like.**

 **SALADIN:** _ **What?**_

 **OSIRIS: This is either our salvation, or damnation. Crota answers to something higher, after all...**

 **[BOOMPH]**

 **ANDAL: Looks like they hit a mountain a few miles away. Aaannnd now they're both getting up.**

 **OSIRIS: The Traveler must channeling its Light directly into her very being! This is utterly unprecedented...**

 **ANDAL: Shit, he's swingin' that damn sword agai-! Oh. She caught it.**

 **SALADIN: What.**

 **ANDAL: She... snapped it in half...**

 **SALADIN:** _ **What.**_

 **ANDAL: Now she's punching him in the groin. A lot.**

 **OSIRIS: Those seminars young Wei Ning teaches tend to stick with people.**

 **SALADIN: Have I lost my senses? How is any of this possible?**

 **ANDAL: Dammit, he got hold of her. Popped her like a zit. Oh! Her Ghost just popped up and rezzed her. Looks like the Traveler must've restored the poor thing- or maybe a new one,** _ **I dunno.**_

 **OSIRIS: Hmm, I've only ever seen fellow Sunsingers manage a revival that fast before.**

 **ANDAL: She's summoned her Sparrow, don't know why though- Ah, she's using it as a club. She best be careful otherwise it'll explode.**

 **[Boom]**

 **ANDAL: And she's dead. Now alive again. Crota keeps trying to grab her, but apparently she's remembered she's a** _ **Hunter**_ **and is now dodgin'.**

 **SALADIN: I... have lost my mind. It is the only logical answer.**

 **ANDAL: Now she's gotten hold of his arms, and- what is she triyng- Oh! It's a suplex! He's stunned! She's on 'im! She's gone full Blade Dancer on his ass! Hackin', and hackin', and** _ **hackin'!**_

 **OSIRIS: This will be an interesting one to put in the history books.**

 **SALADIN: Clearly.**

 **ANDAL: Ah, and I can't see shit. There's so much dust and electricity being kicked up, I can't make heads or tails of anything.**

 **SALADIN: We should get over there, if we can take him out-**

 **ANDAL: Wait! She's comin' out. No sign of Crota. Huh... if I didn't know any better, I'd swear she was lookin' right... at... me...**

 **[Sounds of Transmaterialization.]**

 **ERIS MORN: Gentlemen.**

 **OSIRIS: ... Hello.**

 **ANDAL: Eris. You're lookin'... much better than when I saw you last.**

 **SALADIN: Your** _ **eyes**_ **...**

 **ERIS: Healed. The taint of the Hive is gone, now I embody only Light.**

 **OSIRIS: Interesting. What of the Hidden that went with you?**

 **ERIS: Dead. Crota ended them in such a way that I could not feel the Light from their bodies.**

 **SALADIN: We will remember their sacrifice. But... what of Crota? Andal could not see the end of your... conflict.**

 **ERIS: His physical form was destroyed. His soul now resides in the ascendant realm. We will deal with him eventually.**

 **ANDAL: Don't you mean** _ **you**_ **will deal with him eventually? Seemed to handle him pretty well.**

 **ERIS: Only within Sanctuary. Outside of the Dyson sphere's shell, I will merely be a Hunter once more.**

 **OSIRIS: Yes, about this power-**

 **ERIS: The Traveler has awoken. It has chosen me to be its liaison, and vessel for it's Light. I am to lead all who wield its power to fight against the Darkness.**

 **OSIRIS: ... Well, then.**

 **SALADIN: This is all well and good, but we must turn our attention to the Hive. With Crota disposed of, they-**

 _ **[SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN]**_

 **ERIS: -Have now been handled by the Traveler. All Hive forces have been eliminated.**

 **ANDAL: ... huh.**

 **SALADIN: ... Convenient.**

 **OSIRIS: Since the Traveler is awake, shall it be leading the charge against the Darkness? Will it be sharing with us the secrets of the Golden Age?**

 **ERIS: The Traveler speaks to me now... It will not leave Sanctuary. It must incubate its power until the time is right. While it is more than willing to help us reclaim our glory, it cannot give too much of itself. It may be awake, but has awakened** _ **early**_ **. The Dyson sphere will contain its power, and keep the Darkness from being aware of its vulnerability. That is why we must unite the Risen.**

 **OSIRIS: Unite the Risen? That... is a tall order.**

 **ERIS: The three of you represent the most influential members of your respective groups. It is time to that** _ **all**_ **Titans, Warlocks, and Hunters came together. No longer shall we be the Risen, we must become** _ **Guardians**_ **for all who live in light.**

 **ANDAL: Easier said than done. I got a hell of a lot of Hunters who owe me a couple mountain's worth of favors, but getting them into one happy family? Even with the Traveler awake? I just don't know.**

 **OSIRIS: It is the same with the Warlock's, sadly. We hoard knowledge to ourselves, and we jealously guard it against each other.**

 **SALADIN: ... I've heard this all before.**

 **ERIS: I know. The Iron Lords fought valiantly, but it is** _ **long past time**_ **their mission continued. The...** _ **Vanguard**_ **you all tried to create must raise its banner once more. The scattered tribes that live within Sanctuary must become a symbol of our unity. Titans must give us their strength, Warlock's must give us their wisdom, and Hunters must give us their guile.**

 **SALADIN: The Vanguard? Seeing Radhegast's dream be revived would bring me no greater joy, but I do not know if was ever possible. I've seen too many with the gift of Light turn away from good.**

 **ERIS: They will fall in line.**

 **SALADIN: The Iron Lords tried to unite the Risen for centuries. The most we ever managed was to take out the warlords who abused the people, and convince the others to oppose the the many threats facing humanity instead of each other. We could never bring them under one banner. Too many independent personalities. Too many of our number have fallen so in love with their own power, that I cannot see them kneeling to another ever again. Even to the Traveler itself.**

 **ERIS: They will unite unite under the banner of the Traveler and the Vanguard. If they do not... their connection to the Light shall be severed.**

 **OSIRIS: ... Pardon?**

 **ERIS: The Traveler has decreed that if those who have been granted the miracle of resurrection cannot meet the bare minimum requirement of working together to save the future of the three races of humanity, then they have no place among the Guardians. Their Ghosts shall return to their place of origin, and their former partners shall live the rest of their natural lives without the ability to use the Light.**

 **ANDAL: Well... that ought to light a fire under any holdouts.**

 **ERIS: And after we unite them... we must contact the Eliksni. The Traveler has an apology to make.**

 **ANDAL: ... Hoo, boy.**

 **ERIS: Then we must march to war. The Darkness** _ **has**_ **returned, but this time we have a plan. Now... I must tell you about the Eridian Vaults...**

Gaige's mouth dropped slightly ajar as he pointed her finger at Eris' face. "Uh...?"

The Speaker sat back in her chair, "Why do I have three eyes?"

Gaige nodded.

"Once, I went on an ill-advised expedition to Earth. Well, I say 'Earth,' but we stopped short of our destination by taking a detour to the moon. There... we found the Hive."

"The Hive? But I thought no one had seen them since the Collapse?"

"At that point, no one _had_. When the Darkness slumbers, they slumber with it. This was before the Second Collapse, when they all started waking up en masse. We believed that we could sneak in and destroy Crota himself, the _God Prince of the Hive_ , as he and his followers slept. We were very, very wrong. Six of us went down into that pit... and only I came back. My eyes, my innocence, even my poor old Ghost were gone." A white Ghost appeared at Eris' shoulder and nuzzled her neck. She put her hand on the shell, holding it there for a moment. _"Thank you, Rouge._ I used... profane means to survive. I studied and adapted my environment, and my enemies. I even defeated a Hive wizard and took her eyes for my own. This allowed me to perceive the world the same way they did, and gain an insight on their culture, magic, and what they worship."

"You basically became an expert on all things Hive."

Eris nodded, "Even today, I am still considered the foremost expert on them. Only Toland the Shattered could have claimed to have greater expertise, but no Guardian wishes to... recreate his study methods. He is long lost to us, but we have his research, as incoherent as they are."

"But your eyes don't... _look_ Hive-y..." Gaige pointed out.

"I'm getting to that. Years later, I escaped the moon after decades of constructing a ship from Hive materials and whatever Golden Age wrecks I could get my hands on. When I made it back to Sanctuary, I had no idea that I had been _allowed_ to leave. A small scouting vessel had followed me from a distance." The Speaker sighed as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Shit."

"Indeed. When I brought word of all I had seen to my superior, she used it to bring... _some_ of the various Guardian factions together in an attempt to create a united defense for Sanctuary and the Traveler. Then the Second Collapse began, and all who did not join us were putting out their own fires. So when Crota and his armies arrived... it did not take him very long to get to the Traveler." The Speaker breathed deep, then continued, "Myself, and some others were attempting to awaken the Traveler from the slumber that it had been since the end of the Golden Age. Crota arrived... and slaughtered us. He saved me for last. No doubt, he found it amusing that a Lightless former Guardian would stand against him, especially one who had taken Hive anatomy and arcana within her body. I stood there... firing shot after shot into him, nothing working. Then a miracle happened."

"Traveler woke up?" Gaige asked as she stared at her food, feeling like something was missing. A large cornbread muffin quickly appeared next to the plate. She happily picked it up and took a bite.

"Yes. When it awoke, it filled me with it's Light and healed my body, giving me the strength and power to repel the invader. Now, I am the only person the Traveler speaks to, and the conduit in which it's power is focused."

Gaige mulled this all over as she chewed on her cornbread. "That was a lot of exposition. You could have just said, 'I got Hived up, then the Traveler woke up and I got all Light-ed up."

"Duly noted." Eris replied in a flat tone.

"I mean, that was a lot for one question."

"Did you have any other questions?" Eris asked with a sigh.

Gaige set down the muffin and returned to the steak, "Yeah, what did you mean by... 'The _Second_ Collapse?"

"When the Hive found the Traveler, the Darkness also returned. A full blown invasion soon followed. Sadly, the Guardians were much fewer in number back then, and the responsibility fell on the shoulders of the corporations of old. You can imagine how that went..."

The young Warlock swallowed slowly. "Yeah... I grew up in Tediore territory in the Hades Gamma cluster. I remember how it was."

"They held out for a time, but they were ultimately no match for the Darkness. When one territory was invaded, others would take it as a sign of weakness and would raid people, factories, and various other resources for themselves." Eris strummed her fingers along the desk, "During this time, we attempted to save who we could, ultimately giving Sanctuary the bulk of its population. We could never stay for long, the Traveler had told us how to fight back, and we could not stop to protect everyone."

"How much.."

"How much did we lose? Approximately ninety percent of all humanity. Only the five billion that now lives on Sanctuary is all that's left."

Gaige shifted uncomfortably, "Oh, that's... that is... _damn_."

"We turned the tide, but only after the Traveler told us the secret of the Eridian Vaults. It told us the Darkness uses the Vault's as amplification and projection devices. Not unlike how the Light is funneled and strengthened through the Traveler." Eris said as she gestured to all around them. "During the Second Collapse, we had to close many of these Vault's so the Darkness could be weakened enough to drive it back. We won, but the Traveler's strength was greatly diminished by the act."

"Huh, and here I thought the Vault's were filled with treasure," Gaige sighed dejectedly.

"Technically, they are. Within each Vault is a great beast empowered with the strength of the Darkness. Killing it effectively destroys the Vault as an amplification device... and causes an energy backlash big enough to make it rain engrams of all colors."

"Awesome, when can I hit one?" She asked bouncing slightly in place, feeling the promis of loot on the horizon.

"There is only one Vault left in this galaxy, and it is on Pandora. When we initially arrived here, we were shocked by the fact that this system contained _multiple_ Vaults. Now, after _twenty years_ , we are almost finished with with this place. We know where the last one is, we simply... cannot open it yet. We're working on it night and day."

"So... when we close the Vault, what next?" Gaige asked as she finished the last bite of her steak.

"Earth. The home system, and crown jewel of the Golden Age. We will reclaim the birthplace of our species, and use it as the first step for regaining our lost colonies. This time we will build it stronger, and much more resilient to outside forces. But before all that..."

Gaige braced herself for more exposition.

"There are various factors that complicate getting a hold of the home system. While we've been away, various factions have taken root. Rouge?" Eris' Ghost appeared once more and emitted a hologram from her eye. It showed various forms of robots, all with a singular eye. "These are the Vex, incredibly mysterious mechanical entities. Their goals are unknown to us, but they have shown an instant and unwavering hostility to any who approach their territory."

"Dibs on taking them apart and seeing what makes them tick!"

"Duly noted. The Cabal," The hologram shifted to large, heavily armored rhino people baring big guns. "An alien empire that casually commits genocide, blows up planets, and enslaves entire species. They are not to be underestimated."

"Got it."

"The Fallen," Rouge created an image of insectoids in various colored gear.

"My new friend Angel already told me about them. Houses who didn't align with the us after the Traveler."

"Ah, good. And you've already met the bandits, so that leaves..." The image of the Fallen was replaced by black pyramid shaped ships. _"Them."_

The room was filled with the odd ringing sound again.

Seemingly choosing to ignore it, Eris continued, "We have never actually encountered these enemies directly, but what we do know is that the Traveler has fought against them many times before encountering us on Mars. We believe that they are great vessels infused with part of the Darkness itself. Not unlike the Traveler is with the Light."

The ringing sound intensified.

Eris gave a large sigh, _"If you insist._ The Traveler wishes to say that the name it has always called these entities... _loosely_ translated into english, is... _'Fucking Douchebag Sandcastle Smashing Asshole Lego Brick Under My Bare Foot Jerkwad Home-wrecking Evil Obsessed Stalker Bitch Ass_ _ **Motherfuckers.'"**_

Gaige's mouth dropped open.

"I should note, until the Traveler met the pyramid ships, it had no actual concept of _hatred."_

Gaige continued to stare.

"Trying to get an answer as to what these vessels are capable of, their exact origin, and what motivates them is... difficult. The Traveler descends into an incoherent rage induced rant that can go on for hours. Gleaning any actual information from these tirades is nigh impossible."

The staring intensified.

"The... swearing... is only one small part of said rant. Be thankful you do not have to hear the rest."

Eris folded her hands. "Other questions?"

"Not really." Gaige said, snapping out of it.

"Very well. My turn to ask _you_ questions then. Where are you from?" She asked, leaning slightly forward.

"Eden-5."

The Speaker nodded, "Do you have any expertise that can benefit the Vanguard from your previous life?"

Gaige perked up. "I have an advanced understanding of robotics, programming, and Light physics. Oh, and a metric ton of all around engineering knowledge."

"That's good. There's always a call for engineers in the Warlock circles. Have you been received well, since returning to life? Making many friends?"

"Well, there's Angel, Axton, and Tina. They're all really nice."

"Good, good..." Eris said with a nod.

"... Notice how all my answers are short and to the point?" Gaige asked, unable to resist herself.

The Speaker gave an amused huff.

Something in Eris' desk beeped. "I'm afraid this meeting shall have to conclude. My three o'clock is here."

The panel that Gaige had entered on suddenly glowed, and a lone yellow and white exo appeared wearing Warlock robes with Atlas logos upon it and... an honest to goodness _wizard's hat._ He raised his arms and greeted the entire white space, _"Hellooooooooooooo, Traveler!"_

And then the intro kicked in.

 _Gaige saw the exo standing over an ancient CL4P-TP unit lying prone on the ground. With his hands on his hips, and feet spread, he looked towards the horizon. Then a micrometeorite struck him in the face, and instantly killed him._

 _ **CLAPTRAP-1**_

 _ **Now with anti-calamity programming! (Thank fuck.)**_

"Hello, Claptrap. Did you find what I sent you for?" Eris asked.

"Greetings oh, honorable, wonderful, fair minded, forgiving, creepy-hot Speaker!" He declared with one hand on his chest, and the other splayed open towards Eris' direction.

"Yes, yes. Did you find it?"

"A wonderful human, whose forgiving nature cannot be understated!"

"Claptrap. Did. You. Find. It?"

"And such generosity! To give an old unit, like me, an exo body! Free of all the hardware limitations of a CL4P-"

 _"Claptrap."_

The exo sank dejectedly into himself, and raised his index finger, "Okay, I didn't get it. But I know where it is. Well, that is to say... I know who has it."

Eris drew a long breath out through her nose. "Who?"

"You're not gonna like it."

"We've been waiting for the chance to destroy the last of Pandora's Vaults for years. I am _already_ unhappy with how long it has taken. Just get on with it."

"... The House of Kings."

The Speaker went still for a moment... then grabbed her mask off the desk. "Gaige, it was a pleasure meeting you. I'm sure your new friends would love to show you the rest of Sanctuary, if you ask it of them. I am going to have to summon the Vanguard representatives and a couple of ambassadors, this is about to get rather... political."

Gaige stood out of the cozy chair, "Okay, well... good luck with that."

Fixing her mask in place, Eris replied, "I'll need it."

The Mechromancer carried on to the transmat pad with a small skip in her step. Angel had said something about a _shopping trip._

 _"-And that is how you can turn a Hive Wizards skull into a handy dandy fruit bowl! Stay tuned next time to see what happens when we dump fifty gallons of Zaford Moonshine into a pond of Vex mind milk!"_

Gaige smiled when she found Angel watching a holo as she laid on the grass. She found the way her new friend relaxed in front of the image of cheerful hunter without a care in the in the world to be... _cute._

"Behold! I am free from anymore obligations! Let's get this show on the road!" Gaige announced with her arms splayed wide.

Angel turned toward her with a bright smile. "All set then? All right, I guess we should start with the one thing every Guardian needs."

"Loot?"

The Siren laughed as she picked herself up from off the ground, "Okay, the _other_ most important thing a Guardian needs. A ride."

Gaige put a hand on her hip and quirked an eyebrow with a mischievous grin. "Oh? Getting tired of me riding in your lap?"

"No! I-I-I mean we-well, um... I meant, it would be... more fun for you to have your own ship?" Angel stammered as she reddened all the way down to her neck.

"Relax!" Gaige exclaimed as she stepped forward and placed a hand on Angel's shoulder. "I know what you meant, I'm just teasing you."

Angel smiled awkwardly and shuffled her feet. "Okay, well we should-"

"Heck, next time you can ride in _my_ lap!"

Angel promptly choked on her own spit. Luckily, no resurrection was required.

"So, where're we heading first?" Gaige asked as she removed her hand and draped her other arm around Angel's shoulders, bringing the Siren in close to her side.

Some time later, after Angel remembered how words and transmatting worked, they arrived at a gigantic series of hangars proclaiming themselves to be "Catch-A-Ride Inc."

Angel gestured at the entrance of what looked to be a showroom, "This is where the most reliable ships and vehicles for Guardians are sold. Initially, a woman named Amanda Holliday solely owned the right to sell to the Vanguard, but then she met some people on Pandora- and it's moon- that did some amazing things with the limited resources they had. After a while, they all merged their businesses into one, and now a whole host of armed and armored craft is available to all Guardians. If they can pay for it, that is."

Gaige's mouth dropped as she saw what was being displayed in the window. With a shaking finger, she pointed at what looked like a jet ski with a rocket engine. "Are those _actual Sparrows?!"_

Angel nodded, "Yep. They sell refurbished Silver Age variants, and their very own models designed and built here in Sanctuary."

"Ohmigosh, ohmigosh! When I was growing up, the only sports activity me and my Dad enjoyed was watching Sparrow races on the ECHOnet! He liked watching the racing itself, but I just liked them because of the sheer amazing amount of engineering that goes into them! The way the Light reactor has to be custom made to simultaneously power an anti-gravity field, a fusion rocket for propulsion, inertial dampeners to make it turn without tearing the frame apart or dislodging the rider, _and not explode!?_ I've always, always, _always_ wanted one!" She exclaimed as she bounced up and down in glee.

"Well, we're more than happy to set you up, then!" Said a heavily accented voice from behind them.

Gaige turned around to see a blonde Warlock wearing a headband, dirty robes, and carrying a hefty toolbox. The intro quickly followed.

 _She saw a pair of large ornate doors before a crowd of formally dressed people as they cheered. The doors opened and revealed a purple haired Titan in red armor carrying the blonde woman in a wedding dress bridal style. (Literally.) The Titan walked them down a small flight of stone stairs to a waiting Sparrow painted white and gold with tin cans on strings attached. The blonde Warlock was lowered into the driver's position, and the Titan promptly sat behind her and wrapped her arms around the woman. With wide smiles, they rocketed off into the horizon._

 _ **JANEY SPRINGS**_

 _ **Got the girl AND her sick-ass ride!**_

"Gaige, this is one of the owners I was talking about," said Angel as she gestured toward Janey.

The blonde Warlock smiled at the two ladies, "So, new Guardian, eh? First purchase has twenty percent off! Let me show you around."

They followed Janey into the showroom moving past Sparrows of various colors and shapes. Gaige immediately noticed something extra about them.

"Wait... do all these Sparrows _have guns?!_ Awesome!"

Janey nodded, "Yep. That was my addition when we set up this company. By adding weapons systems _and_ a small shield generator without making the reactor explode, I made sweet rides that were truly worthy of Guardians."

"It sure made the Sparrow Racing League a lot more interesting..." Angel added quietly.

"Here we are. Don't mean to brag, but I always know the perfect match for any Guardian with their first ride." Janey said as she halted in front of an unpainted Sparrow with two mounted cannons underneath it and two oversized propulsion engines sticking out from behind. "A Gemini 180 with dual pulse cannons that can fire up _to three hundred times_ before needing to cool down. The twin engines are a Holiday-Cron-8 original, using the same concept as a jump drive in a ship only toned _way down_ to make it safe for personal use. Oh, It also features a double-layered shield! A regular shield for basic kinetic damage, and the other for arc energy. We mainly put the second one in there to protect the driver from an overload from the cannons, but it's also proven highly resilient against Fallen Pikes!"

Angel raised finger, "Pikes are like Sparrows, only they're made out of scrap, more heavily armored, and... well..."

"They fall apart practically as soon as you can bring them to a garage for analysis. Like most other Fallen tech." Janey finished for her.

Meanwhile, Gaige was running her hands along the smooth frame of the Sparrow with a wide smile, "Wow, its almost _too_ perfect... Can I get it painted too?"

"You can apply a shader to adjust the colors and textures of its reactive plating. Most Guardian weapons and armor feature a slot to accommodate one."

"Uh, I've never driven before, is there, like, a course I have to take...?" Gaige asked as she rubbed her hand on the back of her head.

"Guardians don't generally need one, unless they're planning to drive it through Sanctuary's public roads. I could show you how to drive a Sparrow, though... I mean, if you want. Some just prefer to learn through trial and error," Said Angel as she fidgeted in place.

"Feel free to use our test track in Hangar 1F, we reserve it for... newer drivers. So don't worry about damaging anything!" Janey piped in.

Gaige looked at the high-speed rocket bike powered by (what was considered an unstable and unsafe even by _Silver Age_ standards) volatile micro-Light reactor, and considered what would happen if she applied her lack of expertise to the equation.

"Y'know, I think I'll take you up on that offer, Angel. Don't wanna wreck it before I even buy it..." She said as she laughed awkwardly.

Angel beamed. "Cool. I'll just ride behind you on the bike. I'll even show you some evasion maneuvers, and combat tactics too!"

Gaige shuffled sheepishly, "I apologize in advance if it goes... _bad."_

"Oh, it'll be fine. We'll just be on the test track. How bad could it be?" Angel waved dismissively as Janey digistructed the Sparrow away and led them to the the Hangar.

Half an hour later, Angel was reminded of what the fear of death felt like as she clutched at Gaige's waist for dear life.

Janey watched with amusement as the two Warlock's dismounted off the bike. "Well, then. You two must have had some fun. Never seen a Sparrow do _those_ kind of tricks before."

"Hurglen frava..." Angel mumbled as she tried to regain her composure on unsteady feet.

Gaige popped to attention, "That was better than _a roller coaster, oh my_ _ **god!**_ Let's do it again some time!"

"Please, no..." Angel whimpered.

"I love it, can I pay for it now?" Gaige plowed on, seemingly not hearing her.

"Sure thing, just put your finger here," Janey said as her Ghost appeared and created a holographic screen with good deal of legal information and financial numbers. Gaige pressed it and it disappeared. Janey smiled happily, "She's all yours, pleasure doing business with you!"

Katya suddenly appeared by Gaige's head laughing nervously, "Ha ha... Uh, boss? Just for the record, that was like three fifths of what we made from the New Haven thing."

"Oh..." Gaige winced. "So _that's_ what losing large amounts of money in one go feels like..."

Janey smiled, "If you'd like to spend more some time later, we could mod your Sparrow's weapon loadout. We do missile pods, flaming buzzsaws, digistructable acid barrels, plasma cannons, _Tesla_ cannons, mine droppers, deployable attack drones, and even freeze rays!"

"I will... keep _all of that_ in mind when I next come into some glimmer," Gaige replied, trying valiantly not to drool.

"We should head to the hangars next. You still need a jumpship," Angel said, clearly having regained her composure.

"Oh, okay. Well, I guess I'll come back here next time I get paid."

"We'll see you then. Have a good one!" Janey waved as Gaige and Angel made their way to the Hangar.

The two Warlocks entered a busy hangar with dozens of humans, Awoken, Exo's, and Eliksni going about their work day stripping down, and putting ships back together. Gaige felt her eyes drawn by a cannon the size of an elephant being pulled by an oversized hoversled. Even though she had never really gotten into ships, she felt star struck by the engineer's paradise of the facility and all it contained. She idly thought of what it would be like to have a place like this for herself...

"There's Amanda Holiday," Angel pointed out a blonde woman wearing sleeveless shirt with a black tattoo enveloping her right shoulder, and a red bandanna about her neck. "She's the one to talk to if you want a good ship."

The woman turned to them with a smile, and the intro rolled out...

 _Holiday was piloting a jump ship with her left foot as the rest of her hung out the side of an open cockpit fiddling with a sparking panel. A couple of laser shots singed the air above her, causing her to curse. Then she digistructed an auto rifle, turned toward her attacker and opened fire._

 _ **AMANDA HOLIDAY**_

 _ **Knows her ship.**_

"Howdy, there! Looking for a new set of wings?"

Angel smiled back, "She's Looking for her first jumpship."

Holiday nodded, "Gotcha, gotcha. Let me pull out a catalog of our discounted refurbished models, most of them aren't pretty, but they hit as hard and fly as fast as anything else we make." She took a little datapad out of her pocket, fidgeted with the screen a bit and made it balloon out. Gaige reached out and scrolled through the ships and the prices shown. She quickly began to feel dismayed.

"Oh, boy... Hey, Katya. How much would buying the cheapest one leave me?"

Katya appeared at Gaige's shoulder. "You would have just enough to buy a chicken nugget with a small drink."

"Ow."

"You could have one of mine, I have a ton in storage." Said Angel, wringing her hands.

Gaige stood there, eyes wide... but then frowned. "Oh, wow. That's really generous and all, _and_ I know you said You'd cover it if I went over... but this is a jumpship, not a Bunkers and Badasses Seventh Edition rulebook I'd borrow from you and say I'd give it back, but knowing _deep down_ I was lying to both of us."

Angel shifted anxiously, "Um, in that case... I wouldn't mind selling you one of my ships for cheap. It's no problem."

"Well, uh... if you're sure..."

The Siren smiled sheepishly, "Let me just bring up a list, and you can pick which one you want. I'll just sort out the transfer of ownership paperwork with Holiday here."

Angel reached over to the screen, went to the login and signed in. A long series of of jumpships appeared on screen, all garishly painted in varying shades of gold, yellow, or white.

Gaige blinked, "Uh, wow. Where did you get all of these?"

"I sort of inherited them. Long story. You can have any one of them for... two hundred glimmer? Feel free to strip out the horrible shaders. In fact, I insist."

"Two hundred? Really?" Holiday asked with a laugh.

"You're right. That's too much for something he owned... one hundred glimmer, and a high five."

"SOLD!" Katya announced loudly.

Gaige blinked, "Well... okay. Let me just... pick one out."

"I'll sort out my end with the necessary forms," Angel said as Holiday passed he her own screen.

Gaige moved off a little ways to peruse her options. Once she was out of earshot, Holiday turned to Angel. "I take it she doesn't know about Jack?"

Angel furrowed her brow in thought, "I was kinda hoping they'd tell her about it all during her orientation. I'm not even sure they got around to telling her about the Hyperion Rebellion."

"Oof," she said with a wince. "Don't envy having you having to tell her about _that_ mess."

"Found one!"

After the forms had been sorted out, _and_ after Angel had gotten her agreed upon high five, Gaige had finally gotten into her very own jumpship (Called _Outrageous Fortune.)_ She yanked out the shader and threw it out of the side of the cockpit. The ship then took on much more pleasing shades of white and blue. Katya, meanwhile, took control of the ship as her Guardian attempted to familiarize herself with the controls. With a quiet _thrum_ , they launched out of the Catch-A-Ride hangars.

After figuring out the general gist of the layout, she hovered a finger over the buttons on the side. "Okay, which one switches control to me? Oh! There it is-" She pressed the button, and Katya went back inside Gaige, then the ship suddenly bolted forward and went into a corkscrew. "OKAY, WE'RE FLYING!"

"Faster! Faster!" Katya cheered within her head.

 _"How's it handling? 'Cause you look like you're having fun,"_ Said Angel as her voice crackled on the comm.

Jerking the controls here ad there, Gaige put the ship through a variety of twists, flips, and sharp turns. "WHOO! OH, MY GOD IT'S JUST LIKE SOLAR DINGO 64!"

Angel laughed and replied, _"Okay, just be aware I'm on your three o'clock."_

She turned her head to the right and saw Angel's ship out of her viewport staying close on her right wing.

"Cool ride!"

 _"Thanks, it was one of the first things I bought when I started earning my own glimmer as a Guardian. It's from an entirely new product line from Holiday. It may only have a pair of laser cannons as armament, but it is among the fastest ships Sanctuary ever built,"_ Angel said with unmistakable pride, but then became abashed. _"Oh, I didn't mean to brag... you picked a really good one too!"_

"Ah, don't worry about it! You should be proud! It's almost as pretty as you are!"

 _"I-I... uh, um... Weapons! Yes! We should go over your weapons!"_

"Sure. Lemme check what I have on this thing," Gaige said as she looked over her HUD, "Uh, looks like a pair of arc pulse cannons, a pair of heat rays, a missile pod, and a... 'Queen MAB?' I guess that's the big gun sticking out of my left side here."

 _"Nice. MAB stands for Magnetically Accelerated Bullet, and the Queen variant uses special cryo rounds to weaken ship armor and crack open hulls. The best tactics with that gun is to open with it, and then use all your other guns on the weak spot. A lot of Guardians who've fought Vex Dreadnoughts swear by it."_

"Cool! Get it? Cool? I'm hilarious, I swear-"

Then a loud familiar voice interrupted her on the comm.

 _"Hey! Angelcakes!"_

 _"Yes Tina?"_

 _"Drop whatever you're doing and get down here! Is the newbie still with you?"_

"Hi, Tina!" Gaige answered.

 _"Sweet. Get your skinny butts down here! It's SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAG DAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"_ An airhorn went off on Tina's side of the comm. _"I'm going on a loot run! You're joining me!"_ She said, brooking no arguments.

 _"Oh, right. That_ was _today, wasn't it?"_

"Wait- swag? As in a convention? As in cosplay? But I have nothing ready!" Gaige whined.

 _"Er, no. Not a convention. No cosplay-"_

 _"Friggin'_ tragically," Tina mumbled.

Angel carried on, _"It is simply a day where all three political factions, and all three sponsor corporations, hand out one free engram coded to their specific inventories. This serves as an incentive to join them, and fosters good will towards the Guardian community. For example, I have a Maliwan sponsorship, and I belong to the Firehawk Cult... due to certain peer pressure from Tina's adopted mother."_

 _"It's either that, or you gotta listen to her lecture you about why you should be using your Siren pow-"_

"Anyway," Angel interrupted somewhat harshly. _"When you agree to a sponsorship, you have to wear their logo on your gear, kind of like pro racers. With Factions, you get better rewards, but you have to accomplish certain missions and attend official events."_

"Sounds like a lot of hassle," Gaige opined with a frown.

 _"It can be, but the gear you can get really does make it worth it. An arrangement with any of the six only lasts a month, and you can leave or renew your memberships at anytime."_

 _"We're gonna go to the Crimson Raiders' faction house first! I have it on the utmost authority that they have the most baller shaders. And you, my dear fine ass little newbie, you are going to bring your magical engram luck so we get the most bomb diggity of loot."_ There was a slight pause. _"Also, I wanna go say hi to my Dad. He founded and runs the CR."_

Gaige eyebrow's went up, "So your Dad runs a faction... wait, didn't Angel just say that your Mom made her join a different one? The... Firehawk Cult, I think she said?"

 _"Yeah, Mom loves those guys, but she gets super tired of them when they get all worship-y and religious. She just kinda sticks with the Crimson Raiders and Dad, but avoids committing to them to avoid making things ultra awkward between the factions."_

 _"Her relationship to the Cult is... complicated,"_ Angel replied uncomfortably. _"She was under the impression that making me join up with them would make me 'loosen up.' If ever you see a Warlock hiding in a corner with a book while everyone else is doing the monthly LARP, that's me."_

 _"Introvert,"_ Tina accused.

Angel responded with a quiet grumble.

"So, you don't get any preferential treatment from the factions, Tina? Sounds like you could get some killer preferential treatment in either one."

 _"Yeah, that's why I avoid joining the Firehawks, they'd make a big deal. The Raiders on the other hand... my old man told them, like,_ explicitly _that I was to be treated like any other Guardian. That's why I tend to stick with them the most. Also, I can't go back to the other faction. My ass got permabanned."_

 _"If you'd pay for the damages done to the fountain, the Aristocracy would probably let you back in."_ Angel commented.

 _"Pftt, nah. It was a dumb fountain-statue thing to begin with. I kinda doubt ol' Eris Morn defeated Crota's nasty butt while wearing only a tiny silk cloth, and I super doubt she had boobs the size of watermelons... Although, I may want to look that up on the ECHOnet later. For... history research-y reasons."_

 _"You're just going to find fanart porn. Like, a lot of it."_ Angel said flatly.

 _"Like that's a bad- Y'know what? I'm getting derailed like a mofo. You two gonna get your butts down here or am I gonna have to come up there and drag you down?"_

"Sure thing! Just, uh, where do I go?"

 _"Follow my lead, we'll be there in no time,"_ Angel replied as her ship veered off upwards to the continent above them.

Gaige and Angel eventually arrived above a dull red spartan looking building with dozens of Guardians of every type going about their day. Engaging their transmat systems, they soon teleported where an impatient Tina was waiting in a parking lot surrounded by Sparrows and other ground vehicles.

"At long last, my good luck piece arrives!" She proclaimed, throwing her arms up into the air. "Aaaand you're still in your initial hobo robes. You do remember we got Vanguard gear for taking down the skag monster, right?"

Gaige winced, "I totally forgot about that. Katya, my robes, please."

She held out her hands and purple, white, and orange feathered robes appeared.

"Ah, Warlock gear. Designers can never decide they want to look like anime nerds, or witch-y fantasy nerds," Tina said sagely.

"For that, you can hang on to them as I change out of these," Gaige said as she shoved her new robes in Tina's arms and began to strip off her gloves and bond.

Tina's face twisted in mock pain, "Oh, Light! Warlock germs! It burns!"

Angel's brow furrowed in concern, "Wait you're not going to change _right here_ , are y-"

Gaige lifted up on her robes, exposing her new abs and going up further when... she noticed a distinct lack of something. Immediately shoving them back down, her blue face darkened into purple as she faced a grinning Tina and Angel blushing as hard as she was. There was a long silence.

She coughed into her hand, attempting to regain her composure. "... Evidently, when I was raised from the dead, my Ghost forgot to include a _bra_ with my wizard gear."

Katya appeared at her shoulder, floating sheepishly. "Um... oops? You _may or may not_ be totally commando under there."

"I'll just... I'll just head back into my ship and change there... And maybe crash it into a mountain to escape the embarrassment," Gaige said as she snatched the new robes out of Tina's hands and transmatted back to her ship.

Tina turned her grin on an awkwardly silent Angel. "So... having quite a good day, huh?"

Angel stood there, not wanting to give into the bait.

"Got to hang out with a cute new friend... going shopping, talking, laughing, and havin' a good time..."

Angel gave an agreeable grunt.

"And just now... you even got to see nice lady abs and more than a little _underboob!"_

Angel hid her red face underneath her palms.

"So, I guess the real question is; you gonna tap that, or is she fair game? 'Cause _damn."_

Angel's face erupted from her hands in outrage.

Gaige chose that moment to reappear in her new robes. "Okay, all set! We're just gonna pretend that didn't happen and that I'm still cool."

Tina snorted, "You're a _Warlock_. That ship sailed, crashed into an asteroid, got raided by Fallen, and desecrated by Bandits."

 _"Quiet, you,"_ Angel said, her face still stormy. "Let's just go in."

They entered through the wide double doors finding a plethora of crimson armored Guardians talking, laughing, and arguing. The walls were adorned with red and black heraldry featuring a sword over the Vault symbol, and were lit with low yellowish lights. There were several coffee machines littered around every corner, and soft R&B was playing overhead.

"Hey! Dad!" Tina waved at a dark skinned Titan wearing black armor with a red mark about his waist featuring the same symbol from the walls.

The man looked up, saw Tina, and smiled. As he disengaged from the Guardians who he had been talking to, his intro played...

 _It was a frozen moment in time, the Titan was in the midst of battle with a Warlock with a strange, almost bolted on face. He was in the midst of grappling his foe, crushing a handcannon in the Warlock's hand with his own, and angling a sword away from his face with the other. Neither looked as if they would give ground._

 _ **ROLAND as...**_

 _ **The Leader of the Crimson Raiders, and winner of "Sanctuary's Most Responsible Adult" from the Sanctuary Times!**_

"Hey, sweetheart," He greeted, "Here for Swag Day?"

"You know it! I've also got a newbie here that needs a faction, and free loot." She said, pointing to Gaige.

Roland gave small smile at the Mechromancer, and held out his hand. Gaige took it and briefly worried he'd crush her own.

"Good to meet you, soldier," He said, letting go of her hand. "You're the one with the robot who helped take down the really big skag as New Haven was evacuated, right? Damn fine work. We'd be glad to have you among us."

"It looks like a nice club you guys got. It even seems like you have almost enough coffee to satisfy me, too," Gaige said as she eyed the coffee machines.

Roland laughed, "Coffee is practically an alternate fuel source for the Raiders. We may not _physically_ need it anymore, but that doesn't stop us from craving it."

"Gaige here could also use an explanation as to what your faction is all about, and what you do." Angel voiced.

The large Titan turned to the Siren, noticing her for the first time. "Angel, good to see you. If you're looking for Lilith, she's around here somewhere." Roland said, and turned back to Gaige and stood up straight, bringing himself to his full height. "Now, the short version of what the Crimson Raiders is all about? _We help the helpless._ No matter what, no matter what the Consensus thinks, no matter if we're even ordered to stop. We're the only faction that will go beyond whatever system the Traveler brings itself to and seek out surviving pockets of humanity, and bring them here to safety. We do not believe in the reckless plan to reclaim the homeworld. Instead, we want to save all who wish to be saved, and leave this galaxy behind and rebuild civilization in peace."

Gaige blinked, "Wow, what does the Speaker think of that?"

Roland grunted, "She doesn't like it, but she can't really reject the aid and forces we bring to the table. And if she and the Traveler _do_ decide to throw us at Eath..." He inhaled deeply into his nose. "We're no deserters. We'll see it through to total victory, or until such time as we can convince the Consensus to steer us toward the Andromeda galaxy."

Tina nudged his arm, "Tell her about the loot."

He gave a small laugh, and said, "Right. Sadly our excursions don't always find survivors, but we do often find cultural leftovers. We bring in all sorts of media, fashion lines, food recipes, and new forms of tech. It's due to our efforts that the _Jolder_ -class dreadnoughts were made a reality. We found the alloy that could withstand the backlash of their guns. But enough about all that! You came here for loot, and loot is what you'll get!"

"Waitwaitwait!" Tina exclaimed. She quickly stepped toward Gaige and placed her hand on her head. "Okay, ready!"

Then Gaige felt an additional weight on her head. She looked to see Angel standing sheepishly with her arm extended. "I like loot," She said, not meeting her eyes.

Roland laughed and digistructed three clear engrams into his arms. "Just touch them and it will randomize what you get."

The three of them obeyed and put hands on the engrams. Gaige and Tina's turned purple, while Angel's turned yellow. After taking them into their own arms, they opened on their own. Gaige's turned into a pair of lightly armored pants and boots with the Crimson Raiders emblem on the knees, while, Tina got a helmet reminiscent of a bucket. Angel's, meanwhile, turned into a six foot lance.

Tina groaned in disappointment, "Ugh, I already got one of these."

"The Crimson Lance? Nice. I could use an alternative for my sword." Angel commented with a smile as she digistructed it into her inventory.

"I'll change into these later. Learned _that_ lesson," Gaige said as she tucked her loot underneath her arm.

Roland shook his head with a smile, "Two purples and a yellow? That's a roll I would have killed for in my early days. If that's all you needed, I'll be on my way. The work never ends when you run a faction."

"See you later then, Dad!" Tina said with a wide smile.

Roland chuckled, ruffled Tina's already tousled hair, and went back to the group of guardians he had been talking to earlier.

"So," Angel said as she turned to Gaige, "With that out of the way, Shall we head to the Firehawk Cult?"

Before Gaige could respond, a deep feminine voice from beyond the entrance doors beat her to the punch. "Did I just hear one of my favorite Sirens in there?"

Angel's face fell. "Here we go..."

Suddenly, a beautiful red headed woman in Warlock gear teleported behind Angel, and wrapped her arms around her. "Hey there, slugger! Ready for Siren training, at long last?"

With that, her intro began...

 _The woman luxuriated on a Sparrow, rolling a D20 in one hand and spinning a handcannon in the other. Then, a skag appeared behind her and took off with a leap. The woman disappeared into thin air, then reappeared beside it, flaming wings blazing from her back. She casually blew it's head off, threw the dice into the air... and smiled as it landed into her hand with a twenty facing up._

 _ **LILITH**_

 _ **The Solar Siren, and number ten in the Sanctuary Times' "Least Responsible Adult" poll!**_

"Hey, Mom!" Tina greeted with a smile.

 **GRIMOIRE:**

 **THE SIRENS**

 **This is Doctor Patricia Tannis, reporting from from my white paneled hovervan, equipped with the highest level of surveillance gear that I could steal from the Hidden. I am currently observing the Siren, Maya, as she devours a truly shocking amount of pizza.** _ **Where do you put it all you infuriatingly attractive minx? Your waist is disproportionately tiny compared to what you consume!**_

 **The more I study Sirens, the more questions I have.**

 **What I do know is this, there are only six Sirens in the universe at any given time. Sometimes, after a Siren dies a new one is conceived shortly after, except in the four cases we know of that resurrected as Guardians.**

 **What is most interesting about these women- and it is always women- is that they have the ability to draw on the power of the Light...** _ **independent of the Traveler.**_ **When this conclusion was reached, many a scribe and Cryptarch had to eat a considerable amount of metaphorical crow. I will admit, when I head the confirmation, I dropped what I was doing so I could point and laugh at 'Master' Rahool. For ten minutes. Ahh.**

 **When asked about this, the Speaker relayed the Traveler's answer as to their origin and their purpose. It merely said, 'I'unno.'**

 **Apparently not even the Traveler itself is privy to all the secrets of the Light. Worrying.**

 _ **Oh, now she's filling up on garlic bread! How do you do it, you alluring vixen of super beauty?! How?!**_

 **Ahem. Back to my thoughts regarding Sirens.**

 **No Siren is the same. They each use the Light in an increasingly bizarre array of ways. Maya has mastery over miniature black holes, Angel can influence any and all forms of technology by 'speaking to the Arc Light in them,' Lilith simultaneously uses Solar light and brute force's her way through some kind of phaselocked sub-layer of reality- I am not using her term of 'another dimension,' because that is stupid. A dimension refers to a measurable extent of some kind, such as length, breadth, depth, or height. Not a 'weird purple version of the universe.'**

 **Side note: All Sirens I have observed smell suspiciously of** _ **nachos**_ **. Ugh.**

 **To add to the mystery of these beings is the Eridian script that is tattooed in glowing blue on the left sides of their bodies. This is concerning mainly because these are the same Eridians who made the Vaults. A feat of metaphysical engineering not seen before or since. All we know about their civilization is that they attempted to shackle the powers of the Light and Darkness to empower their society. According to the Traveler, both paracausal entities took this... badly. As in, they both launched a full scale assault on Eridian space. Simultaneously.**

 **That was the last anyone heard of the Eridians.**

 _ **Ice cream?! After all that you're chowing down on ice cream?! WHAT ARE YOU?!**_

 **... I once asked the Eliksni leader, Variks, about whether or not they had any knowledge of Sirens. To my shock, he stated that his people once produced Sirens as well. That death and destruction always followed them wherever they went, even though they were servants of the Light by default. I asked if there were any living amongst his people now. He said no. The last Eliksni Sirens all died during the 'Whirlwind' event that ended his people's status as a galactic superpower.**

 **So that leaves us with five known Sirens. Four serve Sanctuary as Guardians, and we know of one who is not aligned with anyone but her people. And one whose identity is a mystery. Needless to say, the Vanguard have a standing reward to anyone who can find this person, and bring her to the safety of the Dyson Sphere.**

 _ **Oh! She's noticed me! My cover's blown! I must escape quickly!**_

 _ **[Sounds of a key turning the ignition, halted by strange low tone]**_

 **She has phaselocked the van.**

 **She is now walking towards the van.**

 **She is now prying open the van doors.**

 **Er, hello Maya! ... Care to help me in my studies?**

"Hi, Tina's Mom!" Gaige greeted with a smile and a little wave.

"Heya-" Lilith replied, then noticed the proximity between the younger Siren and the Mechromancer, "-Angel's girlfriend?"

Angel turned red in Lilith's arms. "No! No, it's not like that!"

"Yet," Tina said in a loud whisper.

"Gotcha. So, I take it it you're hitting up the free loot from all the high and mighty factions?" Lilith asked as she released Angel.

"Yup," Tina said happily, and then put her hands on her hips. "So, Angel gets a hug, but not your own daughter? I see how it is."

Lilith rolled her eyes, and pulled Tina into a tight embrace. "Like you don't get enough hugs every time I- _HURK!_ TINA! SPINE!"

Tina laughed, and let go. "So yeah, we're about to hit up the Firehawk Cult. Wanna come?"

Lilith clicked her tongue, and straightened out her back, "I'd love to, but I think the Vanguard would prefer I don't. Got chewed out by Zavala last time I hung out with them."

"Aww, come on. Who hasn't been tempted wage a drunken Holy War against the Red Team in Crucible?"

Gaige's interest was suddenly perked, "Oh, yeah. Angel said you have a 'complicated relationship' with them."

"Yeah," Lilith said, rubbing the back of her head. "Know how they're called the 'Firehawk Cult?'"

"Yes."

"I'm the Firehawk," She said as Gaige's brows shot up. "Long story short; I saved a bunch of Pandorans by getting them to Sanctuary, and running interference against anything that tried to hurt them. Then, after they settled in here, they started a _religion_. It was _not fun_ when I had to explain that one to the Vanguard. Anytime they think someone's gonna 'pull an Osiris,' it's gonna be a bad day for that person."

"Ouch."

Lilith sighed, "Anyway, I vastly prefer telling the story of how we found Tina..."

"Mom..." Tina said tiredly.

Lilith grabbed Tina and put her in a headlock, "There we were, in a bandit infested valley, looking for Silver Age treasure!"

 _"Mom."_

"When we spotted a scrawny thirteen year old girl lobbing grenades at her adversaries, while stuck up a cliff..."

 _"Mother."_

"We do her a favor by killing all the bandits besieging her, but when we look for her... she scampers off!"

"Mom!"

"We follow the... _arguably_ defenseless little girl to her hideout. To our dismay, she was living by herself in squalor, with no visible signs she had ever been learned what nutrition was."

 _"Mooom!"_ Tina whined.

"And then, all of the sudden-"

Tina broke free of her mother's head lock, grabbed Gaige and Angel by the hands and made a break for the door.

"GottgogetlootloveyouMombye!"

Lilith pouted as she watched them go. "I didn't even get to the part where we saved the day with polka."

Tina dragged her two friends into the Crimson Raiders courtyard and released them once getting a little ways beyond the door. "Wow, that was close."

"I wanted to hear the rest of it," complained Gaige.

"Not even I have heard the entire story, and I've known them for years," Angel said as she readjusted her gloves.

"And no one ever will, so long as I have anything to say about it!" Tina declared. "If the full version gets out, _I will never be cool again."_

Gaige sighed in disappointment, "Let's just head to the Firehawk place."

After a short period traveling in their jumpships, they arrived to the friendly chaos of the Firehawk Cult's compound. It was a heavily built structure, with an incredible array of scorch marks all about it's walls. There were many people of all types buzzing about, laughing uproariously and talking excitedly. Some Guardians, towards the side of the building, were attacking each other forcefully with foam weapons, and outrageous costumes. Others merely sat, and laid about, drinking quietly.

"Are those people playing with a _flaming ball?"_ Gaige asked, pointing at a group of Guardians flailing about a volleyball net in the courtyard, essentially playing hot potato with said flaming ball.

"They say it makes the game go faster," Angel replied flatly.

Gaige laughed, "Well, I can see how-"

Before she could finish, Tina yanked her back just in time to avoid being run over by a Sparrow...driven by a topless exo woman, wielding two forty ounce liquor bottles and driving the rocketbike with her feet.

The Mechromancer blinked. "... Huh. Exo's are more anatomically correct than I thought."

"That's 'cause she ain't exactly at 'factory specifications,'" Tina remarked. "There's special shops that do all kinds of mods. Exo's tend to change their look to feel more comfortable in their robot-shell-tomb. I had one guy show up to one of my B&B games with an actual robo-snake for a lower body to role-play his character."

"How'd that go?"

"Kicked him out for being a metagaming douche."

"Fair," Gaige nodded. "Do any of them ever go for a full on human-y appearance?"

Tina winced, "Oh, yeah. The skinjobs. Uncanny Valley _for daaaaayyys."_

"Some people get impatient when waiting for their original body to be decoded," Angel said, piping in. "I don't blame them, I just wish some of them would go for something less... doll like."

"Guh," Gaige said with a shiver. "I guess we should go inside and get those faction engrams."

"Yes. Lets," Angel said as she led the way to the front door.

They passed by the Guardians with the flaming ball, and made their way to the main entrance. Inside, it was much the same as it had been outside. The walls had obviously been repaired recently, with clean patches amidst the lightly burned wallpaper. Two Guardians stood by a grand staircase, headbutting each other over and over again. An Eliksni was by a wall, flinging darts at a board he had set up. (He wasn't doing great.) Gaige, narrowly avoided walking into a pile of empty pizza boxes.

"Wow," Said Gaige. "It's like a never ending frat party around here."

"Welcome to the Firehawk Cult," Angel said wearily.

"Ain't it great?!" Tina asked, clapping her hands on their shoulders.

"INDEED IT IS!" Responded a voice from atop the staircase.

The owner of the voice launched itself down, landing in front of them. Standing upright, it revealed itself to be an Eliksni wearing orange robes and a helmet emanating an actual flame upon it's top, wielding a staff featuring a tiny gold woman resembling Lilith holding a flaming bird. As he stomped his staff on the ground, his intro unfurled.

 _The Elksni was charging a group of Cabal, cackling in glee as his Scorch Cannon reduced them to embers. One of the large aliens attempted to run him down with a heavy hoversled contraption. The Eliksni responded by leaping over it and throwing a spiked grenade at the driver. The insectoid alien landed behind the driver and did not even spare so much as a glance as he attempted to dislodge the grenade. It exploded and the Elksni remained, jogging happily to his next battle._

 _ **INCINERATOR CLAYVIK**_

 _ **Local Pyromaniac Bugman Finds Religion, News at 11.**_

"BEHOLD!" Clayvik proudly yelled, "THE CHOSEN CHILD OF THE GREAT ONE IS HERE! FOLLOWERS, GATHER ROUND!" No one came. "... Assholes."

"Hey Clayvik," Tina greeted.

Clayvik turned to her, staff in all four of his hands. "Welcome, welcome, Chosen Child. Come to join us in the holy flame of our righteous joy, yes?"

"Nope. Make with the loot."

"You... do not wish to hear my sermon on living life to the fullest?" He asked with a pout.

"No."

"What of one my lectures on _why_ Solar Light is the greatest weapon for any Guardian, and all other forms of Light are inferior?"

"Pass."

"Er, how about the one about communing with the Firehawk's Light by way of opulence, feasting, and drinking?"

"Do enough of that on my own."

Clayvik rubbed his lower hands anxiously, "'Why lovemaking on a bed of hot coals is the greatest way to make prayers to the Great One heard?'"

"I have my own ho's, and I told you that doesn't actually work. Mom said for you all to cut it out. It's _hella_ weird."

"... An introduction to our homebrew post-apocylyptic campaign with Were-Ahamkara and turbo-sorcery?"

"Maybe some other time. Already working on my own game. Now just... Make. With. The. _Loot."_ Tina said, tapping her foot impatiently.

Clayvik sighed wearily, but then seemed to have finally noticed that Tina had company. "Oh! The Siren Angel, and... a new disciple, perhaps? Have you come to join us in worship and celebration of the Firehawk Lilith?"

Gaige shrugged, "Maybe. Have to admit it looks like a pretty fun place to be."

The priest swelled with pride, "Of course! The Firehawk teaches us to reach for what is best in life, and that is whatever makes you happy! Be it battling the forces of evil, or enjoying time with friends or loved ones- you must always seek out what _fulfills_ your soul!" Clayvik paused for a moment, adjusted the torch on his head to increase the flame's size, and stretched all four arms wide. "This path was first shown to us when the Firehawk returned from the dead, and saved the town of Fyrestone from a terrible Scythid incursion. And when the townsfolk despaired at the hopelessness of life on Pandora, she guided them on a Holy March, seeking a way to Sanctuary and the Traveler. For seven days and seven nights-"

 _"More like three,"_ Angel whispered.

"-she kept their spirits up when they stopped to rest with games, parties, drinking, fighting, and all forms of merrymaking. And when they arrived to this... this... paradise, they became the first of her followers here! Their message spread like wildfire, lighting the flames of passion in even the darkest of souls!"

Gaige nodded, "Sounds great. So, I assume you guys don't worship Sirens in general? Since Angel is a member, and not, like, a demigoddess to you all?"

Angel winced hard, "Let's... not even entertain _that_ idea."

Clayvik shook his head vigorously, "No, no. The Firehawk being a Siren is merely the universe's way of acknowledging her greatness!"

 _"One of the few things Mom is in total agreement with him about,"_ Tina murmured.

"I could go on, and on about the Firehawk, but you have come for treasure! And Treasure you shall receive!" Clayvik proclaimed as he stamped his staff with one hand, and digistructed clear engrams in his other three.

Gaige felt two hands place themselves on top of her head, and sighed. "This is gonna be our thing, isn't it?"

"I'll stop doing it when you get me anything below a purple." Tina stated as she reached out for hers... and instantly had it turn yellow. It then unfolded and became a helmet with two large canisters filled with Light strapped to both sides, and tubes connecting from them to the mouthpiece. Tina squealed in excitement, "The Mobile Brewmaster! I've always wanted one!"

Angel received a purple engram that became a stylish helmet. Turning it about in her hands made a contemplative noise, "Huh, I actually really like the look of this. I'll have to customize it for my regular gear later."

Gaige took her turn, and to her delight and surprise, her engram turned yellow. Two gloves wreathed in holographic fire appeared in her hands when the engram unfolded.

Clayvik chirped appreciatively, "The Firehawk's Touch. Truly fortune has smiled on you young one. These will boost the power of any Solar Light based weapon in your possession. I have had no less than _seven_ petitions to have it banned from the Crucible."

"You are a _**magical**_ newbie. I think I might actually shed a tear when this freaky lucky streak ends." Tina said as she looked at Gaige's treasure. "Also, do you have any idea how many times I've been killed by Warlock's wearing those?"

"About as many times as you've ran off on your own into an enemy team's established killzone?" Angel asked dryly.

"Yeah, yeah," Tina grumbled. "I'll... work on it."

Gaige yanked off her gloves and slipped the new ones on. "Well, I guess that's it. Time to head to the next one."

Angel nodded, "The Aristocracy."

Tina groaned, "Let's make it quick when we're there. It is the snootiest snoot fest in the entire snoot festival."

"Good luck with that," Clayvik said with a chortle as he took a step back. "Please keep us in mind if-or-when you choose a faction."

The three said their goodbyes and made their way out of the building with their treasure.

As they closed the door behind them, Clayvik cursed. "Ah! I forget to give them the pamphlets and complimentary napalm!"

After a short trip in their ships, the three Guardians found themselves in front of white marble building with pillars laced with gold filigree, statues of Guardians performing grand deeds, and a well manicured lawn with rose bushes lining a stone path to the oversized doors. They made their way inside and beheld a vestibule brimming with paintings, people dressed formally, _an actual string band_ performing background music, and... what appeared to be fountain with a large white cloth draped over it, and a sign hooked over it saying 'UNDER REPAIRS.'

Gaige eyed the filigree all throughout the building, "Is that...?"

"Actual gold? Yes," Angel answered. "They strip mine entire asteroids for it."

Tina nudged Gaige, "Look closer, the bling only intensifies."

Gaige walked closer to the wall, and then she saw them.

"Freaking _sapphires?"_ She exclaimed as her mouth dropped open.

"Artificially made," Angel commented. "Not for lack of trying to obtain the real ones, though. Those are reserved for the more important levels. The Aristocracy likes to maintain an image."

"How do they _pay_ for all this?" Gaige asked, shaking her head.

Angel beamed at the chance to exposit. "The Aristocracy was founded by Aurelia Hammerlock, a Hunter the Vanguard resurrected on Epitah when were were dealing with its Vault. Unlike most Guardians, she actually had direct access to her family's wealth and resources. When she relocated here, she wasted no time in having a series of factories built. Now, Hammerlock Industries provides the bulk effort in providing non-military materials for Sanctuary. It didn't take her long to get a following among Guardians and form her own faction."

"Then," Said Tina, "She got it in her head that Guardians shouldn't just serve the people. She thinks we should _rule_ them."

"Uh oh," Gaige winced.

"Yeah. The Vanguard cracked down on that _real quick."_

Angel splayed her hands out in front of herself, "As you can see, they're still around, but only after the Speaker... had _words_ with Lady Aurelia."

Tina smacked her fist into her palm, "She made it _real clear_ that she'd come down on any attempts to rise up and take over would be put down _hard_. It's funny though, we spent all that time keeping an eye on the Aristocracy, when we shoulda been keepin' an eye on _Hyperion."_

Gaige scowled, "Those douchebags are here on Sanctuary, too?"

"Not anymore!" Tina said with a harsh laugh.

"Let's..." Angel murmured as she motioned them to follow, "Let's just go get those engrams."

Tina winced, "Oh, right. Yeah, sorry for bringin' that up An-"

"It's fine," Angel interrupted as she carried on forward.

Gaige looked between them, "Is... everything okay?" She asked Tina quietly.

"Yeah..." Tina said as she rubbed the back of her head. "Hyperion's kind of a big ol' sore spot for Angel. She don't much like talking about the Rebellion. Hell, not much of anyone who was around for it likes talking about that day. It was the _assbutts."_

Gaige cocked an eyebrow, "It was over in a day?"

Tina made a face. "Yep. But it was bad one for everybody. Especially for yours truly, cuz I died my first death. For the record, getting smooshed to paste by a loader bot is _bad way to go."_

 _"Yikes."_

"The lounge for non-members is just ahead," Angel said, pretending not to hear her two companions. "Members get to go to a room with a transmat pad that links to a private turbo-mansion with a water park and a roller coaster."

They made their way to yet another set of ornate doors. With a turn of jewel encrusted doorknob, Angel opened the door to a oak paneled room bearing furniture with several Guardians talking quietly and enjoying champagne with cheese. Beyond them was a bar being attended by a simplistic robot. Gaige immediately perked up.

"Ooh, a frame! Looks like the BT-14S Butler model! Those were _ridiculously_ expensive," She said as she walked up to it, hoping to get a closer look.

The frame ceased it's task of polishing the already clean surface of the bar and turned its attention to the newcomers. "Greetings, Lady Warlock, I am Jeeves 00-07. According to our database, you are freshly risen and not yet aligned to a faction. Would you like an application?"

Gaige shook her head, "No thanks, I heard enough from my friends what this place stands for. I just want the free loot."

Jeeves folded it's hands together in a calming gesture. "Oh, dear. Please do not let the Aristocracy's past... _indiscretions_ taint your view of what we are now. I can say with pride that the Aristocracy is the most charitable organization in all of Sanctuary! Why we just finished building an entirely new settlement in a matter of _hours_ for the of new citizens hailing from New Haven just this morning! We even fully stocked every home with food, furniture, and various media."

"You did?" She asked, taken aback.

Tina scoffed behind her, "They only do stuff like that to counter their bad reputation with a lot of Guardians. Worst part is that the public tends to buy into it, hoping that the Aristocracy might show them some of the same lovin'."

Jeeves turned it's head sharply toward Tina, "Titan, you are still entitled to one free engram, but you are still barred from reapplying to the Aristocracy until reparations are made for the damage you caused."

"Whatevs," Tina said as she blew a raspberry, "I'm over that phase. The tea parties weren't even that great, anyhow."

"Mainly because your idea of tea parties involve explosives and electrodes," Angel commented flatly.

"How else am I to entertain guests?!"

Gaige giggled at Tina and shook her head. "Yeah, can we just get those engrams now?"

"Very well," Said Jeeves. With a gesture, the frame brought forward three clear engrams on silver plates. "Please enjoy, with compliments of the Aristocracy."

The two hands of her friends immediately occupied the top of Gaige's head. "Oh, this is gonna get old quick."

The three Guardians reached out to the engrams and immediately made them turn purple. Gaige received a helmet not too dissimilar than what Angel had received earlier. Tina received a mark with Aristocracy heraldry upon it, which she threw into her inventory with an eyeroll. Finally, Angel acquired an ornately decorated fusion rifle.

Stowing away her new weapon, Angel smiled at her two companions. "Well that's it for the factions. Now we should carry on to the spons-"

Suddenly, Tina's Ghost appeared. "Hey, _jefe._ You got a call on your comm. It's your thermite connection."

"Thanks, Enrique. Just put it on your speaker," Tina ordered.

"Got it. ... _TINA! IT'S LOOT DAY AND I DON'T SEE YOU IN THE CROWD! I FOUND THIS TO BE VERY ODD SEEING AS HOW YOU NEVER MISS A SINGLE ONE! SO I DECIDED TO CALL TO SEE WHAT WAS UP, BUT THEN I WONDERED IF I WAS BEING OVERLY INTRUSIVE AND SPENT TEN MINUTES WAFFLING OVER IT UNTIL I PICKED UP THE COMM AND WENT THROUGH WITH IT! HOW THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU?!"_

"Hey, Torgue. I was just hitting up the factions with Angel, and showing the newbie what's up and who's who."

 _"OH, THAT'S COOL. IT ALWAYS PAYS TO MAKE NEW FRIEN- WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIT! IS THIS NEWBIE THE WARLOCK WHO USED THAT AWESOME AS (BLEEP) FLOATING ROBOT IN THE NEW HAVEN EVACUATION?!"_

"Uh, yeah. Why?" Asked Tina.

 _"I ACTUALLY NEED TO TALK TO HER! LEMME HIJACK THE PUBLIC TRANSMAT SYSTEMS AND BRING YOU HERE RIGHT AWAY!"_

"Wait! Mister Torgue! You're not supposed to do that anymore!" Angel yelped in alarm.

 _"I ALREADY HACKED THE FIREWALLS WITH MY FIST! BRINGING YOU THREE HERE IN 3-2-1! HI!"_

And with that, all three Guardians dissolved into a pool of Light, vanishing completely.

Unbeknownst to them, they had been observed by a female Hunter in the corner of the lounge. A shattered champagne glass lay at her feet, and her hand held above it as if she had never noticed she'd dropped it. A passing Warlock paused beside her.

"I say, you've caused a bit of a mess. Ah, well. The help will get it."

The Hunter did not respond.

The Warlock put his hands on his hips. "Didn't you hear me?

Then he saw the expression on her face.

"My dear Marcie, you look like someone just walked over your grave."

They arrived within a large structure decked out with checkered flags, heavy industrial machinery, and posters of various Torgue products.

"WELCOME TO THE _VSL MEEDLY-MEEDLY-YOW!_ FLAGSHIP, PRIMARY FACTORY, AND BADASS HEADQUARTERS OF TORGUE INDUSTRIES!"

A huge man wearing only a Titan's greaves, gauntlets, a checkered mark... and a _tie_ dropped in seemingly from nowhere. As he flexed in place, the intro flared into sight...

 _The shirtless man rode atop a missile as if he was on a surfboard towards a huge blocky ship. Just before he hit, he jumped off slightly toward the rear of his ride. The missle slammed into the hull and tore a hole with the ensuing explosion. The man dived in and landed atop a Cabal legionnaire, crushing him to death instantly. The Titan jumped out of the pile of gore, digistructed an auto-rifle, and began to fire micro-rockets into a crowd of soldiers still attempting to get their bearings. His slaughter was interrupted as a huge armored figure with metal wings smacked him into a wall. The man shoved himself off said wall, and towards his new opponent. Closing the distance, he wrapped his arms around the Cabal's mid-section and began to squeeze. The towering figure howled in agony, almost drowning out the sound of it's armor and bones being crushed. Dropping his now dead enemy, the shirtless Titan took the opportunity to flex in triumph._

 _ **MISTER TORGUE**_

 _ **WHY BE (BLEEP)ING SUBTLE?!**_

"We're in space?" Gaige asked.

"ABSO-(BLEEP)ING-LUTELY! IT'S THE ONLY WAY THE VANGUARD LET ME HAVE MANUFACTURING PLANTS! MY WORK SITES CAN'T PASS A SAFETY CHECK FOR (BLEEP)!"

 _"Torgue,"_ Angel said, hands tented and eyes tightly shut. _"You. Cannot. Hack. The Transmat network."_

Torgue proudly planted his fists on his hips. "I JUST DID! I PUNCHED THE FIREWALLS UNTIL THEY EXPLODED TO DEATH! IT WAS ACTUALLY SUPER EASY!"

Angel pinched the bridge of her nose, "First off, _what_. Secondly, I meant you could get into trouble with the Vanguard over that."

"Let a man live, Angelcakes!" Said Tina, punching her shoulder a little roughly.

This gave Togue pause, "OH, RIGHT! ZAVALA TALKED TO ME ABOUT 'RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLE'S PROPERTY' ONCE! HE ALSO WARNED ME IF IT HAPPENED AGAIN, HE'D LET IKORA HANDLE IT! I WOULD PREFER TO AVOID THAT! SHE CAN BE SUPER CREATIVE WHEN IT COMES TO MURDER!"

"No, I mean- Y'know what? Close enough," She sighed.

"You wanted to see me?" Gaige asked.

"THAT'S TOTALLY RIGHT! I NEEDED A ROBOTICS EXPERT, AND SHAXX STILL ISN'T TALKING TO ME AFTER I TURNED SOME OF HIS REDJACKS AS SUICIDE BOMBERS FOR A CRUCIBLE MATCH! AMUSING SIDE NOTE: THIS INCIDENT TIES INTO WHAT ZAVALA LECTURED ME ABOUT!"

The Mechromancer puffed up in pride, "Oh, yeah. Robotics is my bread and butter." Then she deflated. "Well, it's my bread and butter when I'm not killing, like, a _lot_ of things for money."

"WHEN I SAW THE FEED OF YOUR ROBOT FROM THE BATTLE OF NEW HAVEN, I REALLY LIKED HOW YOU COMBINED ROBOTS AND MURDER! I KNEW THEN YOU WERE THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THIS THING I'VE HAD ON THE BACK BURNER FOR A FEW DECADES!" Torgue took out a heavily stuffed three-ring binder, and handed it to Gaige.

Gaige opened it to the the first page, and perked up in delight. "Ooh, that looks fun."

"THAT TOTALLY BADASS MACHINE BELONGED TO A CONTESTANT IN ONE OF MY TOURNAMENTS! HIS SUPER DESERVED DEATH UNLOCKED ONE OF PANDORA'S VAULT'S, BUT NOT BEFORE HE WRECKED THIS BEAUTIFUL MONSTROSITY IN COMBAT! I NOT ONLY WANT YOU TO RESTORE IT, I WANT YOU TO REBUILD IT BETTER THAN IT EVER WAS INTO WHATEVER SUPER AWESOME DEATH BOT YOU CAN MAKE! I'D DO IT MYSELF, BUT MORE ENGINEERING SKILLS ARE GEARED MORE TOWARDS FIREARMS AND SPACESHIPS! ROBOTICS ARE A KINDA OUTSIDE MY WHEELHOUSE!"

"Well, let's see what we have to work with here." She said as she flipped through the pages. Some of them had been written in crayon. "Okay... total junkyard build... _Lots_ of guns... Did you recover this from the guy who built it? Might make it easier if it was."

"PARTLY! MOST OF IT WAS BURNED, SO I HAD TO MAKE A LOT OF GUESSWORK FROM WHAT I COULD OBSERVE FROM THE WRECKAGE! I PUT WHAT I COULD DECIPHER IN THE BINDER! MINE WILL BE THE PARTS IN INK!"

Gaige nodded and continued through the pages, "Okay, that helps... Oh, boy. He used zentronium alloy. No wonder he lost."

"I DON'T WORK WITH ZENTRONIUM MYSELF! WAY TOO LIGHT AND FRAGILE! LIKE AN MMO PRO-GAMERS EGO WHEN HE LOSES TO A CASUAL!"

The Mechromancer frowned, "I mean, I can kinda see where he was coming from? This thing was powered by a _diesel engine,_ not even a Light reactor. Making it lighter was probably was the only way he could get it to move."

"I WOULD DEFINITELY LIKE MY DEATHBOT TO MOVE AND BE ABLE TO TAKE A HIT! I CAN SUPPLY ANYTHING YOU NEED, EVEN A CLASS THREE LIGHT REACTOR!"

"Well, that'll solve most of the problems, right there. But you said you wanted it better than it was? How much creative freedom am I allowed here?"

"AS MUCH AS CAN BE REASONABLY BE ALLOWED! I'LL LET YOU USE OUR RENDERING SOFTWARE, AND YOU CAN SEND ME WHATEVER DRAFTS AND (BLEEP) YOU COME UP WITH! I PROMISE TO BE TOTALLY FAIR AND FLEXIBLE! I WOULDN'T BE HIRING YOU IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE YOU COULD DO THIS!"

Gaige smiled, "That's great, because for some of the things I have in mind, I'm going to need a _complete_ redesign to make some of my idea's work. If we stick with the original frame, then it's just gonna shake apart."

"REMINDS ME OF THE TIME CAYDE AND I GOT DRUNK AND KINKSHAMED A BUNCH OF HIVE WIZARDS WITH WIFFLE BATS!"

"... how?"

"THEY ALSO SHOOK APART!"

Gaige blinked. "Okay, then. Well, I can do it, but I'm gonna need a pretty huge workspace, and a lot of helping hands."

Torgue beamed, "FAN-(BLEEP)ING-TASTIC! YOU CAN USE ONE OF OUR OLD HANGARS WITH AS MANY AS WORKER FRAME UNITS YOU NEED TO GET THE JOB DONE! I'LL SEND THE WORK CONTRACT WITH ALL THE DETAILS AND (BLEEP) YOUR WAY BY THE END OF THE DAY!

"Yeah," Tina coughed into her hand. "Not that this super-exclusionary convo isn't _totally_ fun for the rest of us, but don't you got a Loot Day to attend?"

Torgue grasped the sides of his head, "OH, (BLEEP)! THAT'S RIGHT! THERE'S AN ASSLOAD OF GUARDIANS WAITING FOR THEIR FREE LOOT IN THE HANGAR! FOLLOW ME!"

Torgue took off in a dead run. Gaige looked to her companions and shrugged, then they all took off after him. After following him through a long series of corridors, they arrived to the wide open doors leading to a balcony overseeing a hangar the size of three football fields, packed to the brim with angry and impatient Guardians. When Torgue arrived he threw up his arms in greeting. The crowd cheered.

 _ **"LOOT! LOOT! LOOT! LOOT! LOOT!"**_ They chanted.

Torgue digistructed a rocket launcher and aimed at the crowd. "FEAR NOT DISPENSERS OF BADASSITUDE! I GOT WHAT YOU WANT, AND I GOT WHAT YOU NEED! _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM, AND _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM! AND _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM! AND _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM! AND _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM! AND _YOU_ GET AN ENGRAM!"

With each proclamation he fired a large engram into the crowd, which then exploded into regular engrams. The Guardians who didn't die immediately were quick to snatch theirs amidst the chaos.

"Huh," Said Gaige. "That's certainly a way to get them out there."

Torgue whirled the rocket launcher in her direction. "DON'T WORRY, LITTLE LADIES! I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU!"

Gaige held up her hands. "W-wait! On second thought-"

THOOMP!

And so, Gaige died her first death as a Guardian when the oversized engram took her head clean off.

 _ **Below the shimmering SKY...**_

 _ **Upon the white sands of the shattered shore...**_

 _ **The LION paced...**_

 _ **The SNAKE coiled...**_

 _ **The EAGLE circled...**_

 _ **And DEEP within the ocean, a voice called out...**_

 _ **~ROUND THREE, THEN? VERY WELL. YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.~**_

 _ **The SKY answered back...**_

 _ **~IMMA BEAT YOUR ASS LIKE YOU OWE ME MONEY, YOU CIVILIZATION KILLING FUCK MOTHER.~**_

 _ **There was a hesitation... then a reply...**_

 _ **~YOU HAVE BEEN AROUND HUMANITY FOR FAR TOO LONG. WORRY NOT. I'LL SOON SOLVE THAT.~**_

 _ **To the DEEP's surprise, the SKY laughed...**_

 _ **~YOU COULDN'T SOLVE A RUBIK'S CUBE, YOU OVER INFLATED EDGELORD. ALL WHO HAVE SURVIVED YOUR BULLSHIT ARE GATHERING TO SHOVE YOUR FAT, STUPID, NON-CORPOREAL ASS BACK INTO DARK SPACE, AND I"M GONNA HELP THEM DO IT. ~**_

 _ **The Deep growled in pleasure...**_

 _ **~I'M GOING TO BE HONEST HERE, I AM LOVING THIS NEW SPINE YOU'VE GROWN~**_

 _ **~BET YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOVE THIS NONSTOP CURBSTOMP EXPRESS I'M SENDING YOUR WAY, YOU MAYONNAISE SMELLING SACK OF DARWINIST SKAG CRAP.~**_

 _ **The LION, the SNAKE, and the EAGLE descended upon what lay in the depths...**_

 _ **~SUCH INTERESTING SERVANTS YOU'VE CREATED! BUT ALAS, I MUCH PREFER YOUR PREVIOUS... EXPERIMENTS.~**_

 _ **And they were met.. by the DRAGON.**_

The world reappeared to Gaige in a shower of Light. She worked her jaw as the taste of vanilla suffused her mouth.

"Did I just..."

Two hands fell on her shoulders and turned her about to where Angel's face awaited her with a consoling smile. "Die? Yes. Happens to us Guardians quite a bit. Fortunately it never lasts too long."

"Okay," Gaige said as she felt her restored head with her hands. "I have no idea how I'll get used to that. Is it weird that I think I saw something while I was... dead?"

Angel shook her head, "No. Happens to all Guardians. The real trick is _remembering_ what it was."

"Well it looked like..." Gaige frowned. "I... don't know. It's like it's gone now."

The Siren smiled, "That's okay. The only Guardians who try to bring back any memory from the other side are Thanatonauts, and their methods are... not really recommended. They kill themselves over and over again just to bring back fragments of a vision, but it's so rarely anything useful, so only a few of us give the practice a try."

Gaige shrugged. "Sounds... really unnecessary."

"It really is."

Meanwhile, Torgue continued to fire into the crowd as Tina stood protectively over a trio of clear engrams with the Torgue logo printed on them.

"Ready?" She asked as she tapped her foot.

"Sure, why not?" Gaige said as she bowed her head, offering it to her friends.

Placing their hands on her, they each reached down for an engram. To Tina's delight, hers turned yellow and shifted into an incredibly heavy looking shotgun. Angel received a hand cannon that she tucked away into her inventory, and Gaige received a rocket launcher as long as she was tall.

"The Heavyweight Boomstick?! Ho-ly _shit!_ I didn't even think this was on the market yet!"

"JUST RELEASED THE BLUEPRINTS INTO OUR ENGRAM NETWORK TODAY!" Torgue shouted as he took out five Guardians with another engram shot. "YOU'RE THE FIRST TO GET ONE! CONGRATS!"

Tina practically drooled as she fondled her new weapon. "We're gonna be stopping by the Crucible tomorrow. _Mommy's got some camping buttfaces she wants to introduce you to, yes she does!"_

"I'm amazed I can lift this thing," Gaige said as she shifted the rocket launcher from hand to hand.

Katya appeared at her shoulder, "I told you before, I brought you back in top physical condition! And you're infused with Light, which enhances, well, _everything_. Don't be surprised if you accidentally flip a car!"

"Well, cuddling will be a lot more dangerous." She said as she digistructed the weapon into her inventory.

"Not if you do it with another Guardian!" Angel blurted. Then she blanched snow white. "I-I-I mean _cuddling!_ Not making- unless you want to! I mean there would certainly be more than a few Guardians who would be willing t- In fact I'd volunteer! _Imeanforcuddling!"_ Angel cringed. "Oh, by the Light, what am I doing?"

Tina watched her with her mouth hanging open. "This is somehow _sadder_ than when Scooter tries to ask someone out."

"So, where're we off to next?" Gaige asked with a smile.

"Maliwan," Replied Tina. "Prepare for disappointment and hipsters. Meetcha there."

With that, she transmatted away.

"Okay then," Gaige turned to Angel, who had buried her face in her hands. "Angel?"

Angel's face emerged from her hands, tight with embarrassment, "Look I'm _really_ sorry for-"

"It's okay. I know what you meant," She interrupted with a grin.

"Oh?" Angel asked, confusion written on her face. "Because _I'm_ not sure what I was saying."

 _"I know what you meant,"_ Gaige repeated as she put one hand on her hip and poked Angel's nose with her finger. "Boop!"

"What?"

Gaige threw up her hands, "Off to Maliwan!"

With a flourish, she transmatted to her ship.

 _"... What?"_

They arrived in front of an eerily clean and glossy storefront displaying the Maliwan logo. Inside, they could see gun display after gun display, as well as several wall decorations featuring modern art to give the place a a certain look. Almost as if it was saying, _'Yes, your money just might be good enough to spend here.'_

They moved through the automatic opening doors and beheld the sales floor. The obnoxious decor of gleaming metal with pale wooden furniture assaulted their vision. The very air conditioned air seemed to pervade their very souls, and taint them with a sense of false security and pseudo-normality. The only sales associate in the large room looked at them with the dead, hollow eyes of someone who had worked in retail for far, far too long. He was an unremarkable brunette wearing jeans and a t-shirt with the Maliwan logo upon it. His name tag declared him to be 'Todd.'

"Hi!" He said with the false cheer of a broken man. "Welcome to Maliwan! How can I ease your buying experience today?"

"This is your sponsor?" Gaige murmured to Angel.

Angel's cheeks colored in shame. "They have really nice elemental weapons." She defended weakly.

"Man!" Tina exclaimed. "Of all the awesome places to work in Sanctuary, you picked _Maliwan?"_

"I _am_ actually legally bound to tell you that I am working here as part of Sanctuary's Prison-to-Workforce Rehabilitation program! _Boy howdy,_ I should not have punched that baby while driving drunk! But, now I am making up for my past crimes while contributing to society!" He replied, his expression unchanging. "And, even if I do underperform here, I can always be sent to... to... the Crucible Clean Up Crew."

Just beneath his retail trained exterior, the three women could see a barely suppressed shudder.

"I remember these," Gaige said, deciding to change the subject and pointed at one display. "They wouldn't accept the same kind of ammo as other weapons of the same type."

"Yes." Todd replied behind his wooden smile. "Sadly the Consensus did not agree with Maliwan's super cool idea of making our own high quality ammunition exclusive to our own brands. It was not our fault that certain other manufacturer's could not get with the times. Fortunately, Maliwan decided to consent with the current system."

"... Sure." Replied Angel. "Can we get the free Loot Day engrams now?"

"Sure thing," Todd said, still smiling. "Bee-Tee-Dub, Are you a member of our rewards program?"

"No."

"Would you like to be? It's only fift-"

 _"No."_

"Okay, then." Toddsaid as he moved to one of the counters. He tapped an unseen button three times, and brought up three engrams with the company's logo printed on them. "Here you go! While I have your attention, might I interest you in a Maliwan Credit Card Applica-"

 _"No. Thank. You."_ Angel said, her patience wearing thin.

The three Guardians approached the engrams, and to Gaige's non-surprise hands were once again atop her head. Sighing, she joined Angel and Tina and grabbed hold of an engram. All three turned purple, and began to auto-unlock.

"A sidearm. Yay." Gaige said flatly, as she tucked the pistol into her inventory.

"An SMG. That you've given me five times before. _You've failed me yet again, Maliwan."_ Tina said as she dismantled it into glimmer.

"Oh, a rainbow colored katana that does solar _and_ arc damage. Neat!" Angel said as she clutched at her new treasure.

Tina and Gaige stared at her in open envy.

"Now, let's head to the last stop for Loot Day; Atlas. They're nice. ... These days, anyways." She continued as she put away the sword.

"Have a nice day!" Said the associate, while his eyes said, _'Strike me down, and end my pain.'_

They collectively left him to suffer in his Retail Tartarus.

They arrived before a glimmering structure, painted silver chrome. It smelled of fresh paint and plastic. Next to the wide automatic double doors were what looked to be the remains of a flashy red ribbon. The trio continued on inside. A pleasant tune was playing over the speakers.

Ahead of them they spotted a man wearing an expensive suit.

 _The man ran screaming and crying away from loader bots, while carrying what looked to be some form of certificate with the Atlas logo upon it. A Hyperion engineer jumped in front of him and attempted wo break his skull in with a large wrench, but the man rolled to the side and kept running. Eventually he made it to the edge of a balcony where a rope had been hastily tied to a railing. Grabbing it, the man swung done while holding the certificate for dear life. He landed atop a three-wheeled caravan as the loader bots continued to fire at him. The vehicle then took off with great speed, and he tumbled into it through an open hatch on it's ceiling._

 _ **RHYS**_

 _ **His Own Company Man, At Long Last**_

"Hi! Welcome! Welcome to the new-and-improved Atlas! I'm Rhys, owner and CEO." He said, adjusting his tie with a somewhat desperate grin. "Come for Loot Day? We're also offering _free-with-no-conditions_ sponsorships to any Guardian who'd like a discount on our gear, while helping us get our name out there! Oh, and hi Angel, always good to see you."

"Hi, Rhys. The new location working out okay?"

"Yep!" He exclaimed a bit too forcefully, "Just really hoping that folks will start coming by and checking out the new inventory. The new inventory that was so... so... _expensive_ to research, to _test_ , and _develop!"_

"It'll turn around," Angel assured. "Now that you're not selling Hyperion weapons anymore, you'll do better."

"You guys were selling Hyperion weapons?" Gaige asked while Tina went off to fondle an auto rifle's display on the far side of the room.

"Yes, well," Rhys wriggled his hands together, "During the Rebellion, I _secured_ a certificate declaring ownership of Atlas from Handsome Jack's office. When I got back down to Sanctuary, I made a case to the Vanguard that I could re-purpose leftover Hyperion facilities under a new name. Or, y'know, and old one."

"Wasn't frickin' popular with the Pandoran population, that's for sure!" Tina yelled across the room.

"Yes," Rhys replied with a frozen, polite smile. "There was-there was that."

"So, you just made and sold Hyperion stuff in the meanwhile?"

"Well, we _re-purposed_ \- okay, fine." He sighed. "We filed off the old logos and serial numbers and slapped on our own. We sold them off, and made enough money that we could fund our new lines."

"So... old Atlas guns, then?" Gaige asked.

Rhys perked up, "We do feature a Classic Atlas line, but we're currently focused on our new line, made with Vanguard compliant tech. Each engram you receive from today will be one of our new guns."

"Sweet," Gaige said, but then her eyes bugged out when Rhys's metal right hand came up to scratch behind his ear. _"Is that a Takamaki-37 Echo prosthetic?"_

"Oh?" Rhys said with surprise, "You know your cyberneti-HURK!"

Gaige yanked his arm forward and pulled his sleeve up to reveal more of it. "Aw, man! These things only ever got to have a limited production run before that weird glitch happened where they developed minds of their own and strangled their users!"

"Uh, that's very nice, but can I have my arm back no- Wait. _What glitch was that, again?"_

 _"Ooh, it even has no-friction ball joints!_ Not very strong, but smoothe as hell motion!"

"W-well," Rhys rubbed the back of his head with his fleshy hand. "It _does_ let me do caligraphy really well."

"You really know a lot about cybernetics, huh?" Angel asked with a an awkward smile, hoping to ease Gaige's nerd out down.

Gaige rolled her eyes, "Well, yeah. I used have my own that I built with my own hands- well, my _hand_ and a computer operated robot arm. Besides, the prosthetics fields has a lot of crossover skills with robotics, which is my _thing_. And anytime the flesh meets metal for a greater whole is _sexy as hell."_

"O-oh?" Angel asked, slightly moving her head to the side to more prominently dsplay the cybernetic implants embedded into the side of her skull.

A loud beeping started to come from Rhys' arm. He smiled apologetically as he withdrew it from Gaige's grasp.

"I gotta take this."Said Ryhs as he made a finger phone gesture with his cybborg hand and held it up to his ear. _"Hey Vaughn, kinda talking to curstomers right now. The new exotics are on fire? Great! How many do you think we can sell- oh. You mean they're_ actually _on fire. I'm... I'm on my way. Engage the sprinklers."_ He closed his hand, and turned back to face the trio. "I, uh. I gotta go. Please enjoy your shopping experience!"

With that, he hurried out the doors they entered through.

"Goodbye, beautiful ECHO arm..." Gaige waved sadly.

"Wait," Said Angel. "He didn't tell us where to get the engrams."

"I can tell you!" A husky feminine voice from deeper in the uilding replied.

They turned to see a Hunter wearing a spiffy hat standing with hands on her hips.

The intro, of course, followed.

 _The Hunter was leaping off an outcropping of rock amongst nine Hyperion loader bots. The first three died to a triple-barrelled sidearm, then she landed with appearance of a flaming gun. Amongst the remaining six, she spun in a circle of death and connected a line of pure Solar Light to each machine. Seemingly satisfied with her carnage, she spotted something ahead of her. Happily hopping over the wreckage, she found a box which she proceeded to open. Withdrawing a fat stack of glimmer from it, she happily nuzzled it against her helmet._

 _ **FIONA**_

 _ **Totally Won't Rob You. For Realsies.**_

 _"YOU!"_ Tina shouted from the wall displays..

"Me," Replied Fiona, smugly.

"Her?" Asked Gaige.

"Tina's rival in the Crucible. Never managed to kill her." Explained angel.

"Ah." Gaige smirked. "Isn't that a bit silly? We're all Guardians aren't we? Isn't being rivals with someone a bit... extra?"

Marcy sneezed hard. In her helmet.

"I suppose." Angel said with a shrug. "Some Guardians _do_ take Crucible far too seriously."

"YOUR ASS IS GRASS THE NEXT TIME WE DO CLASH!" Tina shouted.

"Oh, yeah? You and what orbital bombardment, _Tiny?"_ Fiona smiled, crossing her arms in front of her.

Tina's rage could only be expressed in inarticulate growling.

"You know, Tina. You wouldn't die nearly so much if you could remember how to stay in a team. You know what Shaxx says, 'The early bird catches the worm, and the solo Titan catches the sniper round to the face.'"

The inarticulate growling became incomprehensible screaming.

"Come on, lets just get our engrams. There's always the next match." Angel said as she grabbed Tina by the crook of the arm and led her away.

Tina jabbed two fingers at her eyes then switched over to pointing a finger at Fiona.

Fiona shook her head. "If you're looking for the free engrams, we have a table set up for it in the side rooms. Our chief model is overseeing it."

"'We?'" Gaige asked.

"Rhys didn't mention it?" She smirked. "I'm co-owner. Follow me."

The three Guardians followed her, and marched toward the side room. Opening the door they saw a beautiful woman with blonde braided hair wearing Titan armor, looking dreadfully bored as she sat a plastic table, with a pile of calender's to the side.

"Steele!" Fiona said loudly. "Customers!"

Then her intro rolled across Gaige's eyes.

 _The Titan stood with before a grand mechanical eye, emblazoned with the regalia of the House of a dismissive scoff, she withdrew two curved swords from her inventory and dashed forward. The servitor fired upon her again, and again, but she dodged each shot with the grace of a Hunter. Closing the distance, she leapt directly at the eye of the monstrosity with swords held high. The servitor made a sound suspiciously sounding like a laugh... and teleported away. Growling with frustration, the Titan landed and spun on her heel to find her fore. She did not have to wait long, for the Servitor was on the far end of the field of battle, charging up a great deal of energy. Reacting instinctively, the Titan created a shield before her. The Servitor fired, and the shield held. Briefly. Emerging from the dust cloud, she bore a rocket launcher, and fired directly into it's exposed eye. Screaming in pain as the explosive struck it, the Servitor thrashed about. Drawing her swords again, the Titan leapt forward once more. This time, she closed the distance, embedding her blades into the rim of the eye, and hung off them. Releasing one hand, her entire body crackled with lightning, and she brought her fist down upon the eye, over, and over again. Finally, the Servitor could take no more, and exploded in a shower of false Light. When the smoke cleared, only the Titan remained._

 _ **COMMANDANT STEELE**_

 _ **Ex-Siren, Ex-Asshole (Debatable), Current Sass Mistress**_

"Yes, yes," Steele said with a heavy accent. "That Commandant Steele. You have come for free engrams, yes? Included with engram is bonus swimsuit calender featuring me with several unique quality Atlas firearms."

She picked three calenders off the pile and plopped them before the three Guardians. Leaning forward, Gaige saw Steele's image on the cover in a string bikini, bearing an auto rifle with the unhappy pouty face all photographers assume is sexy. Gaige also did not miss the extensive bue tattoo's covering her body. Looking up at the flesh-and-blood Steele's disaproving face, she decided not to comment on it.

"Nice abs," Gaige complimented.

"Thank you." Steele replied drily. She then turned her head to face Angel. "Oh, and look. The Siren who refuses to use her grand gift. It must be nice to be able to... choose."

Angel faced her with a tight, forced smile. "Hello, Ivanova. Nice to see thatyou found gainful employment."

"She kinda came with the deed," Murmured Fiona.

"Atlas shall always and forever have my loyalty." Steele said with pride. Turning her gaze toward Fiona with a frown, she added, "No matter _who_ is in control." Her eyes flicked toward the calenders, and then away. Her cheeks colored with embarassment. "Nor what they ask me to do."

Fiona rolled her eyes. "Nobody asked you to show up with the swimsuits, Steele. All we planned was for you to model some of the new guns."

Steele crossed her arms, "Of course I bring swimsuits. It was beach. _Nice_ beach. I am not ashamed of this body. It is exploiting the beautiful image of glorious Atlas equipment so callously that I have objections to."

"Yes, Steele," Fiona sighed. "Now please dispense the engrams to the nice customers so they can be on their way. _And Tina, I can practically feel those face your making behind my back."_

Tina, who had been contorting her face into various mockeries all throughout the conversation, stuck her tongue out. "Well maybe ya shoulda sped this along, rather than buggin' the has-been supervillainess!"

The former Siren glared at her. "... I used to conquer planets, you know."

"That's nice." Angel lied.

Steele sighed, waved her arms above the proffered calenders, and three clear engrams bearing the Atlas logo appeared. Gaige, Tina, and Angel reached forward and took on each. Gaige's flared puple, and became a pulse rifle. Angel's also flared puple, and became a handcannon.

Tina's flared... blue, and became a sniper rifle.

"Blue?!" Tina explclaimed in outrage. "That's not possible! I had the lucky noobie! The streak can't have ended! My hand was..." Her eyes flashed with horrified realization. "... _wasn't_... on... her... head..."

She fell to her knees, threw her hands up into the air and exlcaimed _, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"_

"Wow," Commented Fiona. "This is almost as baad as when she loses a Crucible match."

Tearing her eyes away from her friend's despair even horizon, Gaige looked at the miserable Titan sitting at the table. She decided to take pity on her.

"Um, I was hoping to get one of those sponsorships, too."

Steele snapped to attention, focusing on her. "You would bear the proud Atlas name into the field of combat?"

Gaige shrugged, "Sure, why not? I remember Atlas firearms always had pretty great ammo capacity and rates of fire. Oh, and the elemental damage was pretty good too."

"Yes, all true. Our glory shook the foundations of the galaxy." Steele nodded. She brought a holoscreen up showing Terms and Conditions. "Sign at bottom, when ready."

Gaige briefly skimmed through it and signed. Steele nodded and transmatted several atlas logos of various sizes into the air before her. With a gesture, she sent them flying at Gaige. Each one attached at a different, seemingly predetermined point on her gear.

Steele leaned back in her chair, and looked on the Warlock with approval. "Wear them with honor."

Gaige smiled at the woman and nodded. Then she helped Angel drag Tina up and helped usher her out the door.

"She was nice," Fiona commented.

"Hmm," Grunted Steele, sounding not _entirely_ displeased.

Then Fiona ruined the moment by grabbing one of the calenders, tore off the plastic wrap, and flipped through the pages.

Steele's unhappy expression returned.

The three Guardians continued through the Atlas lobby the had entered in.

"Well," Angel said, slowing and wrining her hands. "I suppose this is it. This was the last place that was pretty essential for new Guardians to learn about. Guess this brings our tour to an end."

"Oh?" Gaige replied, slightly disappointed.

"Ah, there's plenty of other places to visit, but you don't need us for that." Tina said, recovering from her blue induced horror. "Like, Entertainment Islands. An entire island chain here on Sanctuary that's, like, the _bombest_ amusement park you've _ever_ seen."

"Sounds nice," She said distractedly. Shifting uneasily, she seemed to make up her mind about something. "Um, Angel?"

"Yes?" Angel asked blinking owlishly.

"I just wanted to say, thanks for bringing me back from the dead, letting me tag along for an adventure, and taking me on a pretty cool tour-slash-shopping trip."

Angel beamed, "Oh, it was no proble-"

Gaige interupted her by leaning forward, and planting a kiss on her cheek.

Angel, turning bright red stumbled backward with a smile, "Oh! A-anytime! If you ever wanna just-just hang out, have your Ghost contact me, and I'll come running!" Angel continued backward towards the door, at the last step she turned around... and smacked face first into the door frame. Attempting to brush it off, she hurried through the doors. "H-have a good one!"

"So where's _my_ kiss?" Tina asked.

Gaige rolled her eyes, yanked Tina down by her collar and planted one on her forehead.

"Aw, yeah," She grinned. "That's the stuff."

"So... where should I go from here?" Gaige asked.

"Ah, you'll figure it out," Tina said with a wave. "Anyway, about the Crucible. They did tell ya that ya gotta pass a training course if you wanna go on Vanguard missions, right?"

Gaige nodded.

"All right, if you want, I'll team up with you for some matches once the instructors de-noobify you."

"Y'know, I was quite the fighter _before_ I died, right?" The Warlock asked with a frown.

Tina blew a raspberry, "Well, sure. Ya don't get chosen by the Light by being a _wuss_ , but there's a big difference when you're throwing around the space magic. Never a bad idea to see how people who've used it for _centuries_ do it."

"Fine, fine. See you then."

Tina waved, "Later, huggabutt."

And so, in a brief flash of a transmat, the young Mechromancer was left alone.

"Oh, shit." Gaige cursed suddenly.

"What?" Asked Katya, appearing over her shoulder.

"We forgot to look for a place for me to live." She replied rubbing the bridge of her nose.

A sound of loud running footsteps preceded Angel bursting through the door, "OH MY GOSH! WE FORGOT LOOK FOR A PLACE FOR YOU TO LIVE!"

Angel and Gaige appeared in a burst of transmat light before the caldera of a smoldering volcano. Built into the ridge was what appeared to be a heavily fortified base with Hyperion logos haphazardly sanded off, or just plain vadalized. It was, all in all, blocky structure with several checkpoints occupied by force fields. Within the walls, Gaige could make out the outline of dozens upon dozens of automated turrets and robot deployers.

"So..." Angel said anxiously. "This is where I live! Feel free to make yourself at home for as long as you'd like."

Gaige looked down into the caldera. Then at the base. Then back at the caldera. Then to Angel. "You live in a supervillain lair."

Angel winced, "W-well, it's not _exactly_ a-"

Gaige looked at her flatly.

"Okay, it's a total supervillaiin lair."

Gaige nodded, "It's important to be honest with yourself about these things."

"It's not _all_ bad," Angel defended. "The research facilites here are second to none, and it was also built with the height of luxury for living standards.""

"Uh huh, so is this more from that inheritance you mentioned before?"

Angel reluctantly nodded, "He had it all commissioned, but never actually got around to living in it. Biggest point in its favor."

Gaige chose not to pry. "So, what's with the volcano? Kinda doesn't seem like something I thought the Traveler would build."

"It's not." Angel said as she motioned Gaige to follow her to the base. "This volcano is called Twilight Gap. A long time ago, the Fallen pierced through Sanctuary's outer shell and invaded through it. After the battle, the Vanguard managed to seal the breach with old terraformers and asteroids, but they left it like this as a memorial and a permanent reminder for future generations that our little Dyson Sphere is _not_ invincible."

Gaige blinked as the passed the first forcefield checkpointand watched as it dispersed from Angel's passing. "So how did Sanctuary not get, like, decompressed?"

"The Traveler built this place with a lot of safeguards when it formed the shell. According to historical record, an energy field _did_ flash into being and sealed the hole, but solid matter could still pass through it. Hence the Fallen invasion."

The passed by several more checkpoints until they reached a pair oversized mahogany double doors.

Gaige stared at them. "Today's been the day for double doors, huh?"

"I think it's supposed to be a statement."

"What statement?"Gaige asked, her head tilted.

"I'unno," Angel shrugged. "'I'm richer than you are and can host many people?'"

The Siren gestured and the doors opened outward after a cacophony of clanking sounds indicating heavy locks disengaging. Within, Gaige could see _two_ Olympic sized swimming pools to either side of a path to what looked like another, smaller pair of double doors.

"Wow. Two? Really?"

Angel shuffled in embarassment. "Yes."

Working off a suspicion, Gaige yanked a glove off, walked to the pool on the right and stuck her hand in. _"Heated,_ giant pools?"

"Yes. Wait until you see the bathrooms."

Gaige mentally began to calculate the kind of energy requirements and resource devotion a facility like this would need. "Angel?

"Yes?"

"How much money _did_ you inherit, exactly?"

"... Yes."

"Uhh..." Gaige said as she attempted to form a question.

Angel held up a hand. "Whatever estimate you can think of, the answer is probably more than that.

Gaige shut her mouth, looked at the giant vestibule and the pools once more, and turned back to Angel.

"Wow."

Angel folded her hands behind her back, "Would you like to continue on into the living room? We could... watch movies or something."

Gaige smiled, "That sounds great."

"Hooooooly crap." Gaige whispered as she gazed into the glory that was Angel's _two hundred foot_ curved screen television.

"I know, right?" Angel said, beside her. "I've had it for years, and I still find myself... just staring at it, unable to believe something so opulent actually exists."

Before them was a large comfortable sofa, and a couple of overstuffed recliners perfectly distanced from the television so as to not overwhelm the viewer. Gaige grinned and a made a beeline for the big couch.

Angel's eyes widened, and she held out a hand, "Wait! Hold on! Let me turn off the-"

Gaige plopped onto the cushion, and her eyes instantly glazed over as she settled in.

"-micro... dopamine... injectors. Hoo, boy." She sighed and waved a hand, causing a beep to sound from the couch. "Er. It's Katya right? Could you maybe come out for a moment?"

Gaige's Ghost appeared out of thin air, she looked rather miffed as she locked her eye on her Guardian. "Oh, so you can get high, but I can't? I see how it is."

 _"Heeeeey, Katya. The good times are... rotating thingy..."_

"If you flush her system, I'll remove your Light filter." Pleaded Angel.

 _"Deal!"_ Katya declared. Suddenly, Gaige was flooded with Light and looking immediately more alert and lucid. The little Ghost then zoomed over to Angel, looking expectant.

Angel sighed and detached the lens from the Ghost's eye. Katya giggled happily and lazily floated over to Gaige, disappearing back into her mistress' Light.

Gaige shook her head, "Did I just get- Why do you have active dopamine injectors in your cou-"

 _"How about those movies, huh?!"_ Angel loudly interrupted, quickly seating herself on the couch next to her. She waved her hand once again, and made a coffee table with many drawers appear. "I think I have some pre-Golden Age animated movies here somwhere."

"O-kay..." Gaige murmured, reaching forward and grabbing the handle of a drawer. "Which one-"

"OH, GOD! NOT THAT ONE!" Angel yelped as she quickly shut the drawer Gaige had grabbed.

Gaige, three time winner of her high school's Speediest Reader award, did not miss the movie box labeled _Mistress Payne's House of Bondage and Latex_ that had been within.

 _"Ohheytheretheyareletswatchone."_ Angel babbled as she pulled out a drawer filled with colorful DVD box's.

"Sure thing," replied Gaige as she mentally filed away the location of the first drawer for later use. "Any chance for refreshments here?"

"Just tap the armrest three times," Angel said as she bit her lip trying to choose what to play.

The Mechromancer proceeeded to do as she said, and it brought up a holo screen with a menu featuring a large selection of snacks, juices, sodas, and liqour. Feeling adventurous, Gaige selected the booze menu. Her eyebrows shot up.

"What's 'High Octane Nightmare Fuel?'"

Angel stuck her tongue in disgust. "Please, no. The Hive use that stuff to fuel their ships. I don't know who thought it would be a good idea to distill it into a drink, but I sincerely wish they hadn't."

"Zaford Moonshine?"

"Arguably worse than the Nightmare Fuel."

"Awesome Sauce?"

"Super overrated."

Gaige frowned and scrolled down the list, looking for anything good. "Reef Wine?"

"Tastes of _ennui_ and raspberries. Pretty good with crackers."

"Reef Wine it is, then!" Gaige hit the button, which then prompted her to select a size between Crow, Handmaiden, and Queen. Gaige selected Queen.

Before them appeared a five gallon bottle of gently glowig purple liquid, then two wine glasses the size of softballs transmated beside it.

Finally finding a movie, Angel plugged the disc in as Gaige wrestled the giant wine bottle to pour into the glasses.

"A nice quiet night in, " Angel said as she sat back and settled in. "This should be relaxing."

 _~Some time later~_

 _"LET IT GO! LET IT GO!"_ They sang as along with the movie as they drunkenly swayed together. _"WON'T HOLD ME BACK ANYMOOOOOOORE!"_

 _~Later~_

"Noooo, protagonissht-whosh-name-I-forget!" Gaige slurred as she waved her arms in despair. "Don't lie to the love interest lady! It can only backfire!"

Angel sadly downed another glass of wine and shook her head.

 _~Later again...~_

"Y-y'know..." Angel said as they watched the cat lady flick across the screen. "Growing up, I was always- (hic) always stuck between wanting to (hic) _be_ Captain Amelia... and- (hic) and wanting to _marry_ her..."

 _"Saaaaaaaame..."_ Gaige droned, watching the screen while laying her head on Angel's shoulder.

 _~Much Later~_

And so...the two Guardians night ended with them laying on the couch, leaning against each other, and dozing peacefully. At some point sombreros and whipped cream had been produced to terrible effect.

The giant tv had shut itself off, the wine had been drunk, and the night settled down quietly.

~Somehere else~

... Except for Marcy.

"Where the DEVIL did I leave it?!" She yelled as tossed items to and fro in her storage shed. "Come on, come on! WHERE?! I didn't hold on to it for a hundred years just to lose the damn thing!"

Screaming in frustration, she knocked over a coat rack bearing half a dozen Hunters cloaks. As it tipped over, she noticed something blue behind it.

She quickly scrambled over and yanked out a large digistruct transmitter with the words _PROPERTY OF THE EDEN-5 POLICE DEPARTMENT_ written boldly upon it.

"Finally," She sighed. "Now, to wait for her in the Crucible, then... at long last..." She drew a long deep breath in, and let it out. _"Payback."_

 **GRIMOIRE:**

 **The Hyperion Rebellion (Part 1)**

 **FOR THE SPEAKER'S EYES ONLY**

 **This recording was found in an abandoned satellite base, post Rebellion. (No hostiles encountered. All usable resources stripped.)**

 **It appears 'Handsome' Jack was attempting to create a public taunt meant to be transmitted to Sanctuary, but was interrupted by very** _ **worrying**_ **circumstances.**

 **For soon to be obvious reasons, we have given this Sigma-level classification.**

 **'HANDSOME' JACK: [To himself] Okay, where should I start this off with? Threatening their children? Nah, can only do that so many times before it loses its effect. The thing with spoons and eyes? No, no, no. Did** _ **that**_ **once already, don't wanna be unoriginal here.**

 **JACK: How about something involving 'roided up super skags? Bio-warfare isn't something I really delve into a whole lot.** _ **Could**_ **be fun.**

 **JACK: Y'know what? Screw it. Freestyle 'til it feels right.**

 **JACK: Dear, ungrateful sons of bitches. Handsome Jack here, just letting you know that little tiff we all had back on Sanctuary?** _ **Not over.**_

 **JACK: Now I know what you're thinking, "Ooh, we stopped Jack's totally rad plan on becoming a** _ **living god**_ **by sucking the Traveler's Light dry, and brought him and his corporate allies down- thereby undoing all progress to restore humanity to the glory of the Silver Age! Hooray! It's not like this will totally backfire because he escaped with all of his factory ships, mining drones, and Light reactors! I'm sure this will last forevers and** _ **evers!"**_

 **JACK: Well, kids, guess what? We're not even close to done. The only difference is that next time, I'm gonna be a** _ **whooooole**_ **lot more indiscriminate about who or what I destroy. So have fun sleeping with** _ **that**_ **thought! Oh! And if anyone finds and returns my diamond pony, I promise to kill you and your family quick and painless. Pinky swear.**

 **JACK: [Mumbling] Okay, I like that, we'll just save that for the complete version.**

 **JACK: Hmm, might as well do personal messages too. Got plenty of time on my hands. 'Cause, y'know, plans have been** _ **entirely**_ **upended. [Calming breaths.]**

 **JACK: To my** _ **incredibly goddamned worthless allies**_ **Jakobs, Tediore, and Vladof. You had one job. One job! Keep the Vanguard busy with your own Guardians long enough for me to me become God, and what'd you do? You dropped the friggin' ball! You let those Pandoran douchebag Guardians through your lines, and you let them** _ **KILL MY DAUGHTER!**_

 **JACK: You better hope that the Vanguard executes you. Because when I come back, and I see you still alive? I'll personally hit the button as you all get fed into the galaxy's biggest wood chipper.**

 **JACK: To Roland and the Crimson Losers. You won't get lucky a second time.**

 **JACK: To Torgue... Fuck. You.**

 **JACK: To Rhys whatsyourface. Oh...** _ **buddy**_ **. I'll save up a whole day on my schedule just to deal with** _ **you.**_

 **[Long silence]**

 **JACK: To... Angel. Baby... you know I-I only did what I thought was for the best, right? If I knew you'd come back from the dead as a Guardian, I woulda killed you** _ **years**_ **ago! ... Crap. That sounded bad. I'll just... I'll put something together on this one later.**

 **[Jack sighs, then continues]**

 **JACK: To Eris Morn. I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea how you did it. One moment I had you transmatted into cold space, hundreds of thousands away from Sanctuary, then suddenly you appear at the** _ **exact moment**_ **I'm about to become** _ **God**_ **, and sever my connection to the Light. It's, uh,** _ **cute**_ **you think that'll stop me, but I'll... I'll figure something out. I was great long before I became a Warlock, I'm great** _ **now,**_ **and y'know what? I'll be greater still. Because that's what the hero does when he gets knocked down. He gets up again.**

 **JACK: Okay, I feel entirely meh on that one. Do it over later.**

 **JACK: To the Vanguard.** _ **You. Blind. Idiots.**_ **You were so blinded from Morn's anti-corporate propaganda, you could never really see what I was trying to achieve. You couldn't see beyond the Traveler's stupid hugbox vision of the universe. You couldn't see it would make us all weak and** _ **pathetic!**_ **You couldn't see that it's effectively put a collar and leash on all of us and made us its attack dogs! I tried to give you a way to be united under** _ **my**_ **rule, and bring humanity a future carved by our own hands! But, no. You stood your ground. You pushed back the tides of progress** _ **once again.**_ **You decided to be slaves to a being we don't even fully understand.**

 **JACK: And worst of all...** _ **you bastards turned my baby girl against me.**_

 **JACK: Don't know when you did it. Don't know how you did it. But I swear- no. No.** _ **I vow,**_ **I will make every single one of you** _ **pay**_ **. And I'll take my daughter back, and-and** _ **fix her.**_ **Somehow. I** _ **will**_ **undo whatever the hell kind of brainwashing this is.**

 **JACK: [Long sigh] That's enough of that for now. Might as well see what kinda loot my assassins dug out of the Vanguard's holding facility. Only thing that went right today.**

 **JACK: [On intercom] Whitney! Whitney, get in here and bring me whatever it was we got from the deep vaults!**

 **[?]: [A woman appears from out of frame from the camera] What do you wish for?**

 **JACK: Okay, who the hell are you, and why are you in my office?**

 **[?]: Names. Such funny things. You may call me... Xing Long, and I'm here to grant your wish.**

 **JACK: [Laughs] Lady, you aren't nearly naked enough for what I wish for, but don't be discouraged! I like the attitude. More people should base their introduction to me asking what they can do for me. I'd also like to know how you got past my security, and why I shouldn't play it safe and blow your brains out.**

 **XING LONG: Well, I did bring you a gift.**

 **[A black box appears upon the table from a cloud of smoke.]**

 **JACK: [Slowly backs away] ... Okay, that was not a transmat.**

 **XING LONG: [Opens box] I believe this is what you wanted?**

 **JACK: [Looks within box. Visibly disappointed] A gun. The most secure lockbox in all of Sanctuary... was for a gun.**

 **XING LONG: An exotic gun, in point of fact. You don't really see that nice craftsmanship on that bone handle on anything mass produced.**

 **JACK: [Takes gun into his hands] Uh huh ... Where's Whitney?**

 **XING LONG: Sadly, Whitney will not be joining us. I asked her the same as I asked you, and her answer... disappointed me. She got what she wanted, but now... well. Now she most** _ **definitely**_ **wishes she hadn't asked for 'what she deserves.'**

 **JACK: [Moving behind his desk with a scanner at the ready] Oh-ho-kay! That is a crapton of paracausal energy around you! Who the hell are you, really?**

 **XING LONG: Someone very much like you. I too once believed in the Traveler and its gifts, but now my eyes are open. I have taken a much broader vision of what my place in the universe is. I know what I want and I know what I need And I think you'll be an integral part of making it happen. But, I am not so arrogant to believe that you would do what I want for free...**

 **XING LONG: So I ask again,** _ **what do you wish for?**_

 **JACK: [Loading ammo into the gun] ... I want to be the hero who saves humanity. I want to make the Light and the Darkness my playthings** _ **. I want my daughter back.**_ **I want the stupid, worthless idiots who stood in my way to** _ **beg**_ **for my forgiveness as I crush the life from them. I want the Cabal** _ **dead**_ **. I want the Hive** _ **dead**_ **. I want the Fallen** _ **dead**_ **. I want the Bandits** _ **dead**_ **. I want the Vanguard...** _ **super**_ **dead. I want to build my throne on Earth itself. I want the** _ **galaxy**_ **. I want the whole frickin' universe.** _ **I want it all!**_

 **JACK: [Levels his new gun at Xing Long's head] Think you can make** _ **that**_ **happen, muffin?**

 **[Long silence]**

 **XING LONG: [Deep inhale] Finally. Someone who understands. Your wish is my command. Let's get to work.**

 **JACK: [Sighs]** _ **Yeah**_ **. I've entertained this long enough. You die now, weird cryptic lady.**

 **JACK: [Suddenly focuses on the gun in his hand] Wait... bone handled pistol...** _ **bone**_ **... I've heard of this before... Oh, god.** _ **I know what you are...**_

 **XING LONG:** _ **I told you, your wish is my command...**_

 **JACK: Aw, shit.**

 **XING LONG:** _ **O, Hero mine.**_


End file.
